I wrote a post last night and then lost it. Dontcha hate that?? Anyway, here goes again...
Quote: (let's face it, this has become a power struggle, cuz it ain't like driving to daycare is the most fulfilling part of parenthood)
Yes, it's a power struggle. On the surface, it may seem like nothing more. In my eyes, there is more to it than that.
Having some contact with daycare is my way of keeping involved in what my kids are doing there~seeing the notes posted on what's happening and when, talking to the teachers about their behavior, etc.
"Fulfilling" isn't really the point....there are many routine parts of parenthood that, in and of themselves, are not necessarily "fulfilling". But in the process, your children learn they can depend on you and they can count on you to take care of them and meet their needs. Children look to their "primary caregivers" for a lot. As a SAHM, you fill that role without a doubt. In an environment like mine, where I get 5 hours a day with my kids (including the hectic mornings), mundane caretaking is still time together. Does that make sense?
The biggest problem I have is the way he went about taking that responsiblity "off my shoulders". He wasn't being nice, I assure you. But since this is a battle I cannot win if he continues to pursue it, your plan B is likely one I will use. Thanks for the suggestion!
Quote: Tell you what... you do so much work with the kids I'm gonna find a way to give you a little "me time" too. Hmmm... how about Thursday nights I take them to *** (restaurant, playzone, mall... wherever would be fun) so that you can do whatever you want also."
This is a great suggestion. In my case it would go over like a ton of bricks. H doesn't spend time away from his kids, period. That would be like suggesting that one is being kind tonight by fixing peas for dinner when one knows their H has always intensely disliked vegetables.
Quote: what would happen if you ASKED him to take the kids to day care?
You mean like asked a favor? For what reason? Favors don't go over too well with H. His theory is "I don't ask anything of anyone else, I don't want anyone asking anything from me". That's his motto.
Quote: I'm not sure how this has gotten to be such a big thing, but I know it is for you.
It's sort of like the natural order of things. It was always understood that I take the kids to daycare in the mornings b/c H is not a morning person. However, I became more and more irritated as our relations deteriorated and H would not help with the kids even if asked in the mornings. But he didn't hesitate to sit with them on the couch and cuddle and make a big production out of saying goodbye, i.e. he always has to carry S4 to the truck so we'll have to wait for H to get his pants on or whatever. Then he has to get S4 in his carseat and then he comes over to D2 to kiss her and say goodbye and then he goes BACK to S4 and tells him goodbye and gives more kisses......the whole thing just irks me to NO END!!
So add that on top of the fact that he kept me awake that Monday night, it seemed like letting me sleep in for a change was the way to go, at least in my eyes. It turned into a huge confrontation and the next day I was not taking the kids to daycare ANYMORE. Period. It was his way of telling me "Don't mess with me or you will lose". When you live with someone as vindictive as my H, tons of things can be reduced to a power struggle and before you know it, I don't exist.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
Quote: I read some of that thread, perhaps I didn't get as far as I thought.
Geez, I can't imagine why, LOL.
Quote: OTOH, do you want to take them all the time again?
I never minded taking them. But some help in the mornings instead of delaying the process would be nice. I don't understand how he can feel it's ok to just sit there on the couch with them, while I brush their teeth, get their shoes on, make their breakfast....
Quote: BTW, does he still have his "drinking nights"? If so, is he still drinking O'Douls?
Yes and yes. He drinks who knows how many O'Douls and he drinks six regular beers mixed in between...
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
I don't understand how he can feel it's ok to just sit there on the couch with them, while I brush their teeth, get their shoes on, make their breakfast....
You're right. But I can relate. It's just not how he sees his role. It's part of his mindset that needs to change. Put it on your list, prioritize it, and have the talk when it floats to the top. "H, I need to be in a relationship with a co-parent. The Play Parent and Work Parent roles will not work." Okay, maybe not that heavy.
He drinks who knows how many O'Douls and he drinks six regular beers mixed in between...
He must have to pee a lot.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Really, you have no idea. On his drinking nights, it is a ridiculous rotation between the bathroom, the refrigerator, to outside (he smokes when he is drinking), to the bathroom, to the refrigerator, to outside and on and on until after 2am sometimes. I just go to bed early and for the most part I don't have to deal with it.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
The joke is that the control freak is telling the knock knock joke and in so doing, rather than permit the recipient of the joke to reply, is telling the recipient how to reply by quickly adding "now YOU say 'Control Freak who'".
