Quote: It sounds like he's made more progress than I'd have expected
I need to keep in mind though that these interactions about MI have been about his needs, so it makes sense that he would be willing to discuss it. We'll see how he reacts next time there is an issue that I need to discuss. My guess is that he probably won't be as open or as "friendly", but we'll see. That will be the real test of how much progress he has made. Right now he's probably just trying to get his way, but not come across as though he lost when I stood my ground. Gosh I'm a pessimist aren't I?? I feel positive but also skeptical and cautious, which I guess is good.
Last night as I was falling asleep, I was thinking about Anna's question some more, about what I've been doing differently to get H to respond in a better way. Assuming he is responding better and not just displaying the behavior I mentioned above, I realized that I've been doing quite a bit differently in the way of not being an open book. I found the GAL and the mystery part of DBing a bit confusing at first since I am the one who cheated. You can't really be all mysterious when you're the cheater, lol, not if you want things to work anyway. But I realized that in the past, I've always been WIDE open. I told H everything and called him frequently. Looking back, I realized that I did most of the talking, which was fine with H, but it never gave me the good feeling of having him ask me something or initiate conversations. Since he's been gone, I have only called him a couple of times and then it was just to share a nice thought I was having about the kids or something cute they did, nothing about me or my day or my feelings. I've found that it is filling the "mystery" part of DBing while not negating trust.
H comes home this Friday night. It will be weird. For instance, the daycare issue. Is he going to pick up where he left off with that, insisting on taking the kids every day? My plan is to act "as if" I'm taking them to daycare. I don't have a backup plan in case there is a confrontation about it~any ideas?
I have a feeling he will be on good behavior when he gets back though, which may make it easier to work back into the old daycare routine. He'll be on good behavior b/c he won't want to start any fights right before we go on vacation.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
