Learning to Trust Myself

[Burgbud]

His main concerns are me going out and that my family is going to influence me to divorce him.

He's going about this backwards, isn't he? Does he think your family's attitude toward him is a lost cause? Why doesn't he want to show them how great he is for you and bring them around to liking him? Does he realize that staying in a cottage, with or without you, is only going to make it harder for your family to encourage your M?

Which I guess leads to the question, does he see himself as responsible for any problems in your M and if so, is he working on them? IOW, if you guys ended up staying with your parents, are there any changes in how he treats you that he could show off to them?


I said "H, that was not the heart of the problem". He said "OH, it wasn't?" I said No, the heart of the problem lies between you and I.

Too bad he had to get off the phone right after this. If he can figure out that you're right then you've got a chance. If not, well, then you've really got an uphill battle to fight.


"I think the more time we spend with family and the more they see that we are constructively trying to make things work, they will be more inclined to accept that". What do you think?

Perfect. If he doesn't go for that you can rest assured the problem is with him and not with how you've handled it.

It would obviously be very useful if he would talk to your parents and try to bring them around. But that would entail accepting some kind of fault for the state your M was/is in, and taking some kind of responsibility for making it better. Can he do that?