Learning to Trust Myself

[Burgbud]

I don't know what to think about it, so I try not to think about it at all because I can't control it.

You are very wise. But I am not so I will continue to think about it and if I ever see him I will ask him what is he thinking in his head.

You don't think I've been facing my consequences for my actions the last year and I'm a XXX." He said "No, I don't."

Urgh. Has he ever said what he thinks an appropriate consequence might be? Hopefully it's not saying you're sorry until he thinks you've said it enough because S4 may have a beard by then.

He said that if we go to Michigan then we will end up coming home in a state where we are headed for divorce again and he doesn't want that

I can really empathize with him here because he just doesn't get it. I remember what that's like. You guys can go to Michigan and everyone can have a ball and nobody has to be headed for divorce. But he wants everyone to think of him first and nobody's going to. Sucks for him. Not just for this trip but because his life is going to get more and more miserable until he figures out how to be happy letting other people do what they want sometimes. That theme echoes throughout your conversation.

He said "you're kidding. Heather, people have *killed* their wives for cheating."

Amazingly insecure people with no sense of themselves. And lunatics.

I don't know that the statement is really creepy, though. I think he's just way overreaching for a rationalization. He knows he was terrible and somewhere inside he feels bad for pushing you to the point you were curled up in a ball. But he wanted to make you feel horrible and he got what he wanted and it's okay because other people have done worse. So in the end, he was right. Being right is the booby prize of life.

Was I right about this past weekend? About him being so nice to me? Was it just so he could turn around and make these demands? I really think I was right.

Being right is the booby prize of life. Er, I mean, maybe I'm not the best guy to listen to when it comes to discussing manipulative people because I've been accused of being very manipulative. But MDW confronts the issue of is reading DB and/or DR and acting on them trying to manipulate your partner? She says of course it is, people manipulate all the time. We're always trying to get our own way. So I think you can look at his affection this weekend more as a compromise than as trickery. He wants something from you so he tried to give you something in return. It's up to you whether the compromise is acceptable or not. Now, if he says, "I'm not going and S4 is staying here with me" that would be obviously be an unacceptable form of manipulation.

Still, if he'd just be willing to do stuff like he did this weekend for you with no potential strings attached, his life would be a lot better. You sure you don't want me to find him and shake him for you? Hey, it could help. I'd let him shake me back if it would make him feel any better.