It's sad how after a while, people just give up and stop trying. We feel hurt and sad and disappointed. I turned 30 last year....a lot happened last year. Worst year of my life, bar none. But turning 30 made me realize, very sadly, that the future is here. Heather, this is what you've been waiting for. You bought a house when you were 20. You've graduated college with honors. You made great sorority friends that you still keep in contact with. You passed the CPA exam. You have a promising career. You have two beautiful children. Your future is here, it's happened. Looking forward doesn't hold promise for me the way it used to. I have to stop running now, hurtling myself into the future and face the present, and look at my life as it is today with the man as he is today and the possiblity that tomorrow that man will not be any different. Damn, it's hard. Once I reclaimed myself from H, I knew deep inside that I would always be a free bird regardless of what H tried to tether around me. Heather had arrived in her own life and she wasn't sitting backstage anymore. What I didn't fully comprehend was that in the process of becoming this woman, my babies would be the diamond studded tether that ultimately binds me to him for life. And I'm not nearly as free as I thought I would be, as he wields this great new power over me.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
