H would not have allowed S4 to treat his grandma that way. I even made that comparison to H at the time we discussed the "no greeting" incident. He said something like, she would be a guest or some crap, someone he doesn't see all the time.
Your H continually comes up with BS reasoning to justify himself.
Naturally, I said WTH does that have to do with anything? H further justified S4's behavior by saying he was in the middle of watching a movie
See?
You're more than a guest in your own home, and more than a guest to your son. If it's appropriate for your son to show courtesy and respect to a guest, how much more so is it appropriate for him to show you at least the same degree of respect and courtesy?
And since when do we teach our children to ignore civilities and loved ones?
Your H's full of crap argument is really: "I believe that you're not worthy of respect from your own son".
And that suggests what he really thinks is: "I don't respect you, so why should anyone else."
No wonder you get the sense son doesn't respect you. That's what he's learning everyday.
It really doesn't matter what you say to H, he'll counter with some nonsense or other. You don't "beget" his behavior. He's not on the defensive, Heather, he's on the offensive. He creates it all by his lonesome, you're just a pawn.
and I try to correct S4 with something, I can expect an eyeroll or a look of contempt.
Heather, what do you think an "eye roll" or "contemptuous look" signifies? It's control. Dismissing you. You're not an equal person to him in his eyes.
This could be "normal" behavior for a 4 year old, as their attention spans are pretty short!! What makes it feel less than normal is that he seems to interact so much differently and better with Dad.
Well then this is specifically how he acts around you and not "normal" for him. Don't overlook that how he sees H treating you is how he's learning to treat you too, especially if he wants to court dad's favor or is being rewarded by attention and support from dad.
my prompting would be saying something to H along the lines of he should back me up here. Hence, I would be the one "picking the fight in front of the kids".
Asking for support, looking to be a unified parental team, is deemed by your H as "picking a fight in front of the kids"... which is BS of course, and H using the "kid's card" to stop you from having any power whatsoever. Which also means he's using the kids for his own power play.
I have wavered between leaving and staying and during the times I chose to distance myself from H, he sent the message that he would not support me in any way. That includes with the kids.
Trust me Heather, there are divorce attorneys out there that would get fighting mad over H's attitude about not supporting you or the kids if you left him and would gladly rip into him like piranha. He'll pay. His threat is more bull. In fact, if you actually pack up and leave him, watch how fast he becomes a clingy needy person I'll bet, but don't fall for it.
