Learning to Trust Myself

[heatherg]

If you then continue to take the appropriate steps with S4 to correct his behavior and H actively counters you then that's obviously very very bad.

I don't think H openly counters me unless I start by saying something directly to H as opposed to saying something directly to S4. If H and I aren't getting along, and I try to correct S4 with something, I can expect an eyeroll or a look of contempt. If we've been getting along, like on this past Saturday, it seems I just get silence.

Since I've never focused on the interactions much between H and I (as opposed to my emotions about the interactions), it's hard to remember the past in terms of what behavior begets what behavior. Now I'm keeping better notes.

I wrote H may be absolutely correct that your son adores you but surely he can understand that doesn't excuse being discourteous and not acknowledging a simple greeting. and you responded He certainly couldn't at the time. Does he now?

Can you think of a tactful way to bring it up without making it sound like I'm stirring up trouble? I could ask him. My theory is that he feels if we are fighting he owes me absolutely nothing. I have wavered between leaving and staying and during the times I chose to distance myself from H, he sent the message that he would not support me in any way. That includes with the kids.

Even just Sunday, we got into an argument where he made it clear I should expect nothing of him. I said something like "I know you won't support my karate class, so I don't know why I'm relying on you for whatever this is that I'm relying on you for...." (which btw, was hoping for a yeah, you should try to go today b/c we don't have anything else planned). He said "That's right, don't rely on me for anything.". I said "I don't really rely on you for anything, don't read too much into that statement." Basically the argument was about me indicating I'd like to go to the 2pm karate class Sunday afternoon, I thought I made it clear I was gonna try to go if we didn't have anything else going on at 2. We went to lunch and were debating going anywhere else.....H decided we needed to go to the toy store to look for a particular toy for S4 that we've been unable to find. I was irritated. We go toy shopping every damn weekend, in addition to the toys that H brings home for the kids on Fridays. We've looked for these particular toys at several different stores.....I told him I'd like to go home and possibly go to karate. We got into an argument and that's where the above statements come in. Same ole, same ole.

The sleep apnea is definitely something I will ask him about. He and I haven't slept in the same bed for over a year now (his choice), but I seem to remember him waking himself up at various points in the night. He has had trouble waking up all his life. He failed out of college because he "couldn't" wake up and go to classes. I just attributed it to lack of motivation and the fact that he stays up until all hours of the night doesn't help. He's a night owl by his own admission. It's interesting though, I wonder if I could talk him into a sleep study......I could tell him he'd have more energy to go toy shopping