Learning to Trust Myself

[heatherg]

And please say H doesn't tell you you're being unreasonable right at that moment in front of S4.

He will, but only at my prompting of course. And my prompting would be saying something to H along the lines of he should back me up here. Hence, I would be the one "picking the fight in front of the kids". See how that works?
The one thing I can say about my past behavior is that I have a quick temper. So, it is possible that the way I come across to H may be what puts him on the defensive. That's why I'm giving so much thought on how to change myself and my behaviors, so as not to instigate anything. I guess if it were the case, I would have to respect that not everyone responds well to an emotional upfront girl who isn't afraid to tell you what's on her mind. Maybe if I can take the emotional part out of it, I'd be better served in all areas of my life. I'm not a raging lunatic, I hate to paint such a portrait, but I could stand to use some monotone for sure. I wonder if any of my old high school history teachers could spare a lesson in monotone......

S4 needs to understand that you're every bit the authority figure that H is, and it's not just dad that he needs to listen to.

I see where you're coming from on this. Thing is S4, if being told different things (me through words, H through action or inaction) S4 will listen to his Dad. How can he possibly get into trouble for that? And I have no room to enforce without looking like the bad guy. And it all goes deeper than discipline.....it's about respect. You cannot make someone respect you even if he's only four. Right?

If H has the position that S4 shouldn't have to do anything he doesn't feel like doing then you've got a long row to hoe.

My H is pretty good about disciplining, S4 doesn't get to do whatever he wants. H would not have allowed S4 to treat his grandma that way. I even made that comparison to H at the time we discussed the "no greeting" incident. He said something like, she would be a guest or some crap, someone he doesn't see all the time. Naturally, I said WTH does that have to do with anything? H further justified S4's behavior by saying he was in the middle of watching a movie...so while H normally does well with discipline, when it comes to S4 and me, there is no doubt in my mind that he takes pleasure in watching me struggle, particularly if him and I are not getting along.