he said "that's not what I came over here for" (he was looking for a toy). I told him not to talk like that, he was being very rude.
Takes after his dad, from whom he's unfortunately learning these behaviors. You did well by telling that such talk is unacceptable. If he does it again, discipline him appropriately. Set your boundaries with your son.
I can guess that it doesn't involve slamming doors though.
Good for you. Resolve not to disperse your anger that way. Use your anger to resolve taht you'll stand up for yourself instead.
I remember coming home from work one night and S4 was sitting on H's lap watching a movie and S4 wouldn't acknowledge my greeting when I came in the door, I was like "S4, Mommy said hi". Nothing. H never said a word. WTF?? He still stands by that he did the right thing, that if if were him and S4 had to be prompted by me to say hello that H would be offended.
You see, as an "emotional badger", H only sees how things affect HIM. So he doesn't see that the purposeful training of the son to be social and courteous, especially to his parents and loved ones - which IS a parental duty to so train your children - is paramount to his own personal (and nonsensical BS) observation that HE'D rather be greeted from a 4 year old's heart rather than have the 4 year old prompted to greet him.
BTW, about that supposed preference of his. that he still stands by that he did the right thing... it's pure 100% BS. Your H's argument is:
If son chooses to show lack of courtesy or respect to me, hey, that's OK!
And it came from his BS manufacturing machine - to keep you down, and to keep you in the "wrong".
Now I see that your son is in dire need of getting straightened out before he gets any further cemented in these ways. He's being groomed to fail at relationships himself because he could become the abuser, having that role model he has.
