Learning to Trust Myself

[heatherg]

Do you wanna philosophize about this, or do you want to end the patterns?

It seems both, lol.

Hey! I've got an idea... if this helps... instead of calling it "abuse", let's call it "Badgering"!!

Good idea, I like this better.

Telling him the rules have changed is called, "setting boundaries".

And changing my behavior toward him as well. It's hard to convey that the rules have changed when I do stupid things as well. Something happened today and I guess since I'm being so much more cognizant of the interaction between H and I, I recognized it as "controlling behavior" on my part. At least I think. I'd like to know what you think. I haven't been very successful with S4 this weekend, he pretty much wants nothing to do with me, it's all about Daddy. He got up this morning and walked past me but wouldn't come and give me a good morning hug when I asked. So, later I tried to ruffle his hair and kiss his neck and he said "that's not what I came over here for" (he was looking for a toy). I told him not to talk like that, he was being very rude. Probably over his head, any suggestions for what to say in a case like this would be very appreciated....perhaps nothing? Again later, I tried to sit next to him on the couch and he moved to the other end. H has been in the same room with us the entire time and never says a word to S4 about the way he is talking to me or reacting to me. Perhaps I am expecting too much of him by wanting him to say something? So then S4 gets off the couch and lays down by H. H never says a word. So, I got visibly angered and said "fine, I guess I'll take a shower then" and I slammed the bathroom door, not off the hinges, but harder than I needed to.
I felt pretty small about acting that way and collected myself while I was in the shower. But, that's not good is it? My expectations of H may be too high. Perhaps I should not be putting the burden on him to correct S4's behavior. Maybe I'm expecting too much from S4? I don't know what to do to my R with him. I really don't. I can guess that it doesn't involve slamming doors though. It really doesn't seem like a relationship with one's child should be so elusive. H says my son adores me and I'm overreacting and simply not accepting that they have a "special bond".

Anyway, my behavior was inappropriate. Not only did it negate the interaction with H yesterday about good communication, but I may have affected my son. Perhaps made him feel guilty or something. Slamming the door had to do with H not intervening, but it may have appeared that it was about S4's rejection. My feelings about this have built up~the lack of guidance from H has happened MANY MANY times before. I remember coming home from work one night and S4 was sitting on H's lap watching a movie and S4 wouldn't acknowledge my greeting when I came in the door, I was like "S4, Mommy said hi". Nothing. H never said a word. WTF?? He still stands by that he did the right thing, that if if were him and S4 had to be prompted by me to say hello that H would be offended.

God, I feel like I'm on an uphill battle and the hill is slicked with ice. What is my problem?!