Quote: In our culture it's really up to the dad. But that transition and acceptance of the son's manhood rarely happens.
This is an interesting concept. I think I'll pick up the book you're suggesting and read it myself. I am raising a son so it's important for me to at least understand some of these things. Then I'll pass it off to H as a sex book like you suggested.
Quote: I realized I had a very hard time treating my wife better than he treated his; I almost felt like I was showing him up.
I have HUGE concerns about what S4 is learning from H on how to treat women. So many of the books refer back to childhood to explain what is happening in your current R....I really worry about it, especially for S4.
When I said that my H doesn't have faith in anyone or anything except his children, that's b/c I blew his faith in me. That's my fault. He used to have faith in me. I hope that I can rebuild trust so that he has faith in me and in us again someday.
Quote: If you were merely an ornament to him he'd be happy to go look for a new ornament if you're going to cause him all this trouble, wouldn't he?
It's hard to say. No other woman can be the mother of his children and I think I've conveyed that this man is obsessive about his children. Plus, if he has all these raging doubts about his manhood, certainly he feels insecure about being able to retain another "ornament". I know H loves me. But he doesn't want to respect me. Even pre-A, he didn't want to respect my point of view or make any changes in himself to better our M. I was never afraid of change. I would ask him all the time what he thought I should change, and he would always tell me that he didn't have any complaints with me. That was pre-A of course. Now, I can't do enough.
Quote: You're not dealing with the guy he may be deep inside, you're dealing with his behavior.
It helps to think that there are two diffent aspects though. If I reduced my H to his crappy behavior then I wouldn't have much reason to stay. So it helps to separate the behavior from the man inside.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
