Learning to Trust Myself

[heatherg]

Chrissy~
The hard part for me that I'm still trying to figure out is whether or not there is a consistent pattern of abuse. The author says everyone is guilty of employing abusive tactics now and then. I'm also trying to figure out my role in what's happening and if what happens is instigated by me.

For example:
Last night H was not much nicer when he got home than he had been on the phone. He didn't get home until about 10pm and he had toys/surprises for S4. One of the surprises was a virtual sword video game. So, H proceeds to take it out of the box and is looking for batteries. I help him look, but we can't find any AAs. So he says he's going out to buy some! I looked at him like he was crazy and said "can't it wait until tomorrow, it's late." He said it would only take five minutes. So, he gets back, they play, S4 doesn't get into bed until 11pm. And he's crying and acting dramatically over a rug burn he apparently got on his chest while him and Daddy were playing. Delayed reaction I guess. So, H puts aloe on it and that makes the crying worse and I look at H and say accusingly "he's just overtired, it's really late". Now, we both know H kept S4 up so he gets defensive when I say that and tells me to shut up. He was in the hallway so I don't think S4 heard. I said "Nice, thanks".

So, I'm left wondering if I didn't bring on the "shut up" by accusingly saying that it was late. I would have said that even if we had been out though and just got home, but my tone probably would have been different in that case.
All of this seems so absolutely petty, but whatever goes on in our R, it is soooo subtle that I have to actually get into the conversation in order to convey what happens......plus I am super paranoid that I will give only my side of things, so I figure if I relay what both sides say I don't need to feel like the feedback I get is because of the way I've presented it. I'm paranoid aren't I?! Maybe I'm the one who starts everything and I just don't like the way it ends up. Maybe I'm so dysfunctional that I can't even see it and no one would react positively to the things I say.

Overall, my take, right or wrong, is that most dads wouldn't keep their four year olds up until 11pm to play a video game. And if they insisted it would like cause an argument with the mother. So, with that being said I don't think I overreacted. I simply asked if it could wait until tomorrow and then pointed out the obvious consequence of H getting his way when S4 was overtired.

I did't deserve a shut up because it never should have got that far, H should have put his child to bed like a responsible parent instead of treating him like a best friend.

Am I delusional?