Learning to Trust Myself

[heatherg]

H thinks I blew it when he tried to tell me likes to look at beautiful women and I didn't react well. So, therefore, he can't talk to me about anymore. I guess he just doesn't get it that *I* want to be his fantasy. Not partake in his fantasy about other women. I know he thinks a threesome would be totally hot. The idea makes my head spin around. How's that for a visual, lol? It really does though. How would he feel if I indicated I'd like a threesome with another guy?? I think we all know how that would go over.

In an earlier post, I said I was having trouble pinning down H's "emotionally abusive" behavior in any certain terms. Well, maybe now that I'm actually aware and documenting and remembering, I'll pick up on it more. Here's the most recent example:
H is on his way home from northern VA and it's 8:30pm and he hasn't called to talk to the kids yet. D2 usually goes to bed between 8:30-9:00. So, I call H and tell him I called so he could talk to the kids b/c I'm getting D2 ready for bed. He says "*Whaaat?*" Sort of whiney, sort of demanding and I get a feeling of dread. He said "I thought you were going to leave her up?". I said "I don't know why you would think that, we didn't discuss it, you never said anything. How far out are you?" I'm keeping calm but firm. He says "About an hour". I said, "Well, I'll probably go ahead and put her to bed then b/c that puts us at 9:30" He says "I know.....you left her up the first couple weeks....you and the kids were probably out so it's ok to leave her up then " (I left D2 up the first weekend H came home b/c I went to karate that night. I put her to bed last week and this is the 3rd week he's come home). So, he's sounding like a child who's not getting his way now. I let him talk to D2 and then back to me. I say "how's traffic?" He says "fine". Nothing else. I say "ok, here's S4. He talks to S4 for a while and I hear S4 say "bye daddy". Then I hear him say "but my hand's getting really tired." A couple seconds later I hear him repeat the same sentence. Finally he says "ok daddy bye. Here mommy" and he hands me the phone. I don't know if he was trying to make S4 feel guilty b/c he didn't want to talk anymore....I asked H sork of jokingly, "geez H, laugh, what were you saying to him, he kept tellin ya his hand was getting sore...." H sounded irritated and said "I was just telling him how long an hour is". I said "Oh. How late were you up last night getting surprises?" He said "I don't know". I said "ok, well I'll see ya in a little bit".
We hung up.

Those short mean sounding answers from someone whose been nothing but friendly for the last two weeks. Until he doesn't get his way. He's even called me a couple times during the day just to tell me something. Like this morning he called to tell me the guy was coming to cut the grass tomorrow and he'd leave the number for me if I had any questions. He could have told me that tonight when he got home. Then he called me again later to ask me if his parents were back from their vacation b/c he was going to call them and see if they wanted to meet for lunch tomorrow but wanted to check with me first. Very nice. But as soon as something doesn't go how he wants it to go.....

I could have left D2 up. Staying up until 9:30 won't end the world, she stays up that late or later if we go anywhere in the evenings. But I'm doing all the housework and parenting during the week plus working full time. Come Friday night, I'm beat. And D2 gets tired when it's her bed time. I reallly enjoy a little downtime in the evenings.

Do you think I should have left her up?