Learning to Trust Myself

[heatherg]

Funny, if my W had just kissed somebody and then regretted it, instead of being ready to leave me and the kids and completely falling for Om, I'd probably have developed an overwrought sense of justice and shielded myself with that instead of figuring out I was living wrong and needed to change NOW

You know, I posed that question on one of my older threads. How many of the LBS's would have been acting like my H~honestly~had their partner immediately ended the A and was remorseful. I think only one person responded to that and she said the same thing as you.

I'd love to sit down with him and see if he could learn from my mistakes

H is too stubborn to realize that he's caught his fingers in the door when he slammed it shut. As I said above, he's proud, indignant, judgmental, stubborn and respectful of few. He's a breed of his own. He will not request help nor would he take it if it was offered. HE doesn't need help afterall. It is me who is delusional.

you see him a lot like my wife saw/sees me, especially the part about not caring anything about her

My H's actions in the past are practically proof that I have not been first in his life. I have literally come second to a dog. There are many instances where he has all but said that what I want doesn't matter. H loves to get into this sparring where when what I want differs from what he wants and I try to talk to him about it, he will simply turn it around and say that I'm not caring about what he wants. I suppose that is very coarsely true, but you can see where nothing is solved.
On my last thread for example, I had several posts on pornography. H apparently has a "thing" for it and I find it incredibly disrespectful and think he is quite frankly betraying me by doing whatever it is he does. We've had several conversations on the topic and even more arguments. But recently I said "you've never given a resolution on the pornography issue, never said whether or not you intend to stop". He said he would not. To me, there's no two ways to look at that. He simply doesn't care how I feel. But if I say that, he'll turn it around and say "NO, you're not respecting how I feel". Pointless.