I know.....I really do understand what you're saying. I can't reflect on past interactions to shed any light on how to handle future interactions, that much is clear. Our past is dysfunctonal. No question. The past does have a place in my emotional filing cabinet, maybe what you're saying is that I just need to leave it in the cabinet. For the most part, I entirely agree. I'll work on it.
Going forward, my goal is to change my behavior so that our interactions won't be so dysfunctional. Like you've said on other posts, spouses will fight change. I think that's what H is doing. He's fighting to keep it dysfuctional and by doing so, the emotional charge of our interactions have actually heightened.
It doesn't sound like you have much faith that I can fix it. And maybe I can't. But I haven't gotten to the point where I can say "I haven't reacted in [fill in time frame, as long as I can handle it!!!] and H still hasn't gotten the picture that I'm not playing the game anymore". But first I have to do a really, really good job of demonstrating that I'm not playing the game anymore.
I need your help demonstrating that. Don't give up on me!!
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
