Heather, I don't think it's worthwhile to ruminate the nuances of your sitch. This is going to go on forever, he's never going to stop.
He's abusing you, Heather, and has been for a long, long time. He tries to control, dominate and manipulate you. He doesn't see his effect on others, but only sees how others impact on him. You're never going to be happy in that environment.
If you guys went to a marriage counselor, they should pick up on that and have individual counseling for him to overcome those behaviors.
That's it. Gotta get to the root of your relationship problems rather the symptoms and band aids and nuances of if it's a bar as opposed to a karate class. And if he doesn't want to do that, I think you'd be much, much happier alone, and certainly it's better to be available for someone to come along who won't act like that with you in a relationship. I'll bet my bottom dollar that if you met someone who treated you as an equal, you'd say "I should've done this sooner".
