Learning to Trust Myself

[heatherg]

That's excellent news that H has been friendly. The card was a success!

Yeah, I think it was. But based on your good advice, I was ready to view it as a success no matter what

You know, from where I sit now, it's so hard to believe that a month or so ago we were hating each other, him trying to keep my kids from me and locking me in the laundry room and putting his hands on me. And me retaliating and maybe even instigating. This is me though, to a tee. I cannot hold a grudge. After all is said and done, I see myself just as much at fault as H. This is the way it has always been. Things never get resolved in my M. We just keep truckin.

if you and H start working things out, I HIGHLY encourage you to help him understand that you need to build good friendships and feel connected to people close by.

We'll see. If I thought he gave a rat's petuti (sp?!) what I wanted our R would have been out of the woods before it ever got there. Honestly, underneath the surface, for me, that's the root of our problems. H doesn't seem to give a rip what I want. Maybe you're right though, maybe it will change. I have to believe that I briefly lost my freakin mind for some purpose.....perhaps that purpose was that our problems could come to the surface and maybe like 4 years after that we could start fixing them.....sorry for the sarcasm. It helps me bring humor into something that isn't so funny for me.

If need be, feel free to send him my way and I'll explain to him why it's in everyone's interest for that to happen. He may even hear those words you mentioned in a previous post: ONLY a kiss!

If only he stumbled across this site and saw what some of you are going through. It certainly wouldn't erase what I did or lessen the impact of completely blowing his trust in me, but maybe it would put things in perspective a little. But probably not even then. My H has a profound belief in justice I am finding out. Justice of course for violations against him not committed by him. Those he commits he simply doesn't acknowledge. It's worked really great for him.

Thanks for the support Bud!