When I titled my first thread, my thoughts were that this one thing that I have done cannot mean the end for my M. There is no way two people who have been together for their entire adult lives should not be able to get past this, particularly if the cheating partner is as remorseful as I feel I am. Since I titled that thread, I've come to realize that it is not just that one event that is ruining my M. There is much more to it than that.
My thoughts when I titled my second thread were, that maybe I need to do some serious analysis of whether or not I even want to be with this man regardless of what my wrongdoings have been. I am still stuck at this point.
My thoughts when I decided the title for the third thread were that I needed to stop focusing so much on my M and just worry about me and my R with my kids. For those of you who've read my previous thread, you know that isn't working out so well for me. I wanted to talk about ways to develop my sense of self apart from my M. But trying to be my own person seems only to have led to a M in even worse distress it seems.
My thoughts in titling this thread are to stop caring so much about what everyone else thinks, including H, and just listen to myself and my feelings. I run to others for validation of my feelings because I don't give any validation to myself. I'm terrified that I'm the most selfish girl to walk the face of the planet and I personalize everything. In the past coupld of months there have even been times when I've read what some of you write about your WAS and I get hurt because I wonder if that is what people must think of my behavior as well.
Just a little recap and history as much for myself as for anyone who hasn't met me yet.
Thanks to all.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
