Ditto, ditto. My H too. How, by the way, did the phrase "to a T" get started? Yep. All our spouses are in a fog, crisis of their own, whatever you want to call it and NY is right...the bottom line is the same. We wonderful people here have an opportunity to change our lives. We for the first time really know that we have 0 control over what someone else does. Only over ourselves. And we must all remember that when we are DBing we are doing it for OURSELVES. Not for the WAS. Honestly, do any of these WAS's deserve for us to do this? No. They have blooowwn it. They are in puberty! So, we can choose to DB, but it must be for ourselves, regardless what the outcome is. That's the trap in DB. We are all doing it with this ultimate goal in mind...and that sets us up to feel all the anguish. But look, we are in control of us. And we can all learn to be happy if we can somehow do these things that sound so simple...GAL, detach. That truly is the secret weapon of DB. By doing that we may get our WAS's to want to come back. By doing that we are going to find peace and joy, whether we choose to want them back or not.
