It's not selfish...you have needs that aren't being met. You aren't alone; I was in your situation not all that long ago myself.
I had to put my foot down with my H...I told him it was counseling or I couldn't guarantee we'd have another anniversary (this just happened to be on our anniversary when I said it). Let me put it this way...if you've read any of these BB's you'll notice there's a common thing that pops up....consequences and boundaries. What have you done/said that would motivate your H to do something different.
Right now...he's at a place where his behavior is working. No, you aren't happy but you aren't setting consequences for the continued behavior either, so he has no reason to do anything different. Does that make sense?
I meant what I said to my H and he knew it, so he was motivated to finally do something about the situation. I set my boundary and he knew what the consequences would be of not taking some type of action.
It sound to me that you two have all of the same problems that are commong to people in our situation....yes, there is hope. I can tell you first hand that if you set boundaries and consequences....and concentrate on your own behavior that things can improve.
