You're right re the porn. It may do her well. That is her business. It was very odd, tho, for S5 to mention it. Maybe little kids are talking at his summer camps?
The instability I see in W is alarming me - not as much regarding her parenting, but in regards to potential relocation. In this rather fullblown adolescent "Replay" stage of MLC, it is possible for her to do things I would have thought unimaginable, like give up a very rare academic job to go party with friends. I've seen it happen before once with a colleague - a women in her 30s leaving a M, by the way.
Unfortunately, that would mean S5 goes along for the ride, and is taken away from me, straining my R with him. I am very egalitarian when it comes to a woman's rights and in terms of motherhood. But I have learned to stand up for my rights and to defend the importance of fathers' roles in their children's lives, as well.
My documentation would focus on my fathering. To prove how well I am present and contributing to S5's life, and how it would be a significant loss for him if they moved long-distance. Her actions, recent and past, as well as those of her parents, place my role as father very low in value, and it is actually wise to prepare for yet another self-focused move on her part. In the US, it carries more weight to have dated, detailed transcriptions of activities/events then mere mass-listings of dates with little detail to show that I am an invested father.
I'm not sure how she'd ever find out about such documentation, but if she did, and did become defensive about my keeping record of myself, that would be her issue, not mine. As she has called me a "deadbeat dad" and "near-absent" father in the past 4 weeks - this after he spent 16 straight days/nights with me, routinely taking him extra nights, and after I've paid her more CS than I'm ordered to every month since our S, I clearly have seen that she is not invulnerable to re-writing history to serve whatever purpose she deems fit. Perhaps even for my own sanity, it helps to see record of a different reality that depicts my true actions and love for S5.
So this seems like you're acting on fear. You are afraid to lose your son. I have seen something similar in Andy, and at one point he was convinced I would move to Greece. It was the fear that drove the custody battle, and he had no concrete foundations for his fears.
If you wish to document your fathering, fair enough, it might do your PMA good, and I'm not saying that a father's role isn't important, it is - otherwise we wouldn't be born with 2 parents. I'm just trying to warn you not to go down the slippery slope of fighting over your child.
My DD2 ended up in therapy because of me and Andy doing this very same thing.
Do you have any proof that she would relocate? Or is it just a gut fear, or because your work mate did it? Remember, your XW is not that work mate so her actions may be different.
Can you not just be open with her and tell her you are worried about her moving and that you would no longer be allowed to have involvement with S5? Tell her you like the shared parenting arrangement and want to continue with it. See what she says. She might calm your fears, and if she doesn't, you could then document that you have stated you don't want her to move and you want to be an active parent in S5's life.
But PLEASE don't let this little boy become the reason you don't get on with each other. Andy has in the past used the children against me and even as a reason why we can't be together. I love him, I'll always love him, he says he loves me and we both love the kids, so it is a pointless waste to use kids in this way.
I suggest for the time being, don't let your imagination run riot, and if you're worried, talk to her.
I understand she says hurtful things which aren't true - but try to rise above that.
You're a good man whom I am sure does not want to get into a 'he said this, she said that' argument.
