Decided to post an update. Been busy with work and the drama within my sitch (mostly self-created or inflicted). Thanks for all of your posts and supportive comments. Merrick wrote:
Quote: the snooping is worst when we have expectations and we poison our own minds by learning things we hoped were not true.
My lesson was that snooping is addictive and toxic, in that it conflicts directly with the GAL effort. I nearly fully lost my balance, kicked in a monster case of insomnia that is nearly defeated - but only after a week of suffering, and it only seemed to inflame W's negative impressions of me (her reasons for D).
Don't snoop!(I feel like a guy in pinstripes talking to kids on "Scared Straight."
W found out about my snooping (saw activity on computer or s/t), and supposedly has filed a type of restraining order (laughable, but now I must abide by yet another negative labeling). She said, "I just want you to keep out of my stuff." I said that I would and added to W: "Why don't you just move out of my house?" to which she could only stammer. Said it nicely yet matter-of-fact-ly, to point out that it is she who is maintaining proximity. Her request, however, echos her early request for me to respect her. This means space and appropriate distance. I've decided to give her ample space for as long as it takes for her to approach me - even if this means months.
Anyway, I'm working on GAL hardcore again, adding big-picture GAL stuff like the planning of fun, "me-only" trips this Fall and Winter.
JDD, I appreciate your comments about the OM. I doubt she's in any specific R. It seems that she is dating in a superficial way. What I fear is that she's trying to 'self-treat' her sexual trauma/libido issue with promiscuity, which will only deepen the wound. I also am fighting grave concerns that W's issues go far deeper that I had ever imagined (like projecting her dark side onto me all these years), and I'm trying not to despair about her ever changing.
I received great advice by UD via telephone about the MLC pattern, and wonderfully supportive convos about my sitch from Kevin, Koshka, and LostinLimbo, with great emails from Jo and others as well. I appreciate all of this support dearly, folks, as this was a dark week indeed.
I'm not too shaken up about the RO, but I will be consulting with an attorney about child custody issues on Wed, just to set up a defense plan if needed, or to remove him from harm if she goes fully off the deep end.
