Wes, yes she thinks about me. At least on paper, tho, her thoughts show that she's still demonizing me, thinking of me as not possibly changing. You folks are so right, tho. Gabe has officially sworn off R talks and is setting up some nice limit-setting.
In my snooping, I discovered that W has spent several thousand dollars on cosmetic procedures to improve her appearance - likely in 5 digits. Now she's out getting drunk with her students and depicting me as an ol' stick-in-the-mud. I'm not condeming her, as I've been a bit focused on improving my looks as well. Most folks are a bit in need of that to bost confidence post-breakup. However, it puts her earlier complaint about only eating Mac-n-cheese in comical perspective, and altho I'll keep my word about lowering rent and paying for S5's school clothes, I'm cutting her off after that.
I got angry/frustrated about her improving her sexuality and her search for fun (she was so focused on work in the M). But solution-focused therapy is about improving the present, and I'll shift my focus back to me and S5 for now.
I had my first session with a female therapist, a bit older to help me gain perspective on myself and my sitch from a woman's eyes. My prior IC was male, helped me with the masculinity recovery needed after all that rejection and guilt regarding porn use (look who's using it now! Amazing how life turns, huh?). The new IC had DR on her bookshelf, but listened to my summary and frankly gave the odds slim to none. I countered saying Im looking for an IC who helps me improve me, not to save M or win W back, but to keep my plugging away at what I need to change.
Obviously, if I looked at porn at one pt and filmed W nude w/out her knowledge another, I have some things to straighten out, like maturely interacting with a woman (hopefully without W's history or W recovered from her issues) to mutually meet our needs for intimacy.
In regards to my extra financial assistance of W, the IC used these very words: "Gabe, you are enabling her instability. She needs reality to learn. Stop meeting your need to help her, and let her do things herself."
IC also may help me to get over W, if she is truly moved on with the door nailed shut. The IC said, "In 3-4 yrs, who knows?" but we both agreed to focus on me and help me to detox from this very rough last several years. It'll be like having a real-life in-town GAL coach.
Jo, your post about modeling an appropriate behavior hit me in the forehead like a brick. Very well done. Wow! Perfect summary and calling me out on that. And it is so true - not just for her, but S5 is watching me, too. Are you sure you don't want to get back into counseling?
