Nice stimulating day at work. I had 45 min open late afternoon, so I went riding on a stationary bike and did 10 min of running just to get the blood pumping. I quickly challenged a parking ticket I received today (had a parking pass, but it had fallen off the dash), s/t I might have left for 'later' in the past. I know that was an irritant to W and myself about me before.
Had a nice eve w/ S5, making him a simple but cooked dinner. At dropoff, W and I sat down to talk. At first she was cold and abrupt, then she settled into our convo. I was able to work in some humor, there were a few stilted moments, like when S5 asked me, "Dad, you love Mom, right." W stiffened a bit, but I simply smiled, relaxed and said "You are a great son, S5." I asked him to quiet when W was talking, and insisted that he follow her directions to put on his PJs. This allowed us to converse more. In our convo, W depicted me as taking great care of myself while she and S5 suffered financially. When she blamed me for her circumstances, I started to defend myself,saying "W, you choice to be in this situation. Your choice created this." It didnt' go over well (duh!)
When she started down a cheeseless tunnel about who has it harder, I quickly deescalated and said, "It doesn't get us anywhere when we get into this competition thing. I don't want to do that anymore." I asked her as genuinely as I could, "Are you having some financial probs? If so, I want to hear about them." W shared w/ me her shortfalls, with more occurring b/c she and S5 are booked for a trip to Disneyworld. Rather than point out the folly of her decisions like going on an expensive vacation when she's broke or argue her claim that I choose work over family (this is new, as she wanted me to work more in our M), let that go.
I said, "I've learned tons in this year about having different priorities. If I ever get another chance w/ you, I'll show you." She surprised me by saying two things: "Why don't you just find someone else" (expected WAS speak); but also, "You haven't shown me enough so far [re my priorities of her first - think love bank here]. All I see right now is that you can take great care of yourself." At this point I winked my pectoral muscles at her and said, "Why thank you!" (joking!) Actually, I said, "Lets talk about your $ probs. How can I help you?" She demured, then noted how I was gouging her in rent (not true) and that S5 had uniform costs that she could not afford. I thought of Gary Smalley's advice to soften her heart with respectful support, especially when needed, and proceeded to reduce her rent and take over her share of uniform costs. After she agreed, I noted "Okay, that's done, and I won't be bring it up again."
Some may argue that I merely enabled a "me-me' WAS, but I think the gesture was timely, in that we once again stepped to the threshold of 'what-if', with her once again not slamming the door shut. I think she's watching me in terms of my success and stability, my ability to handle her upset, and my willingness to help her when she is down. She had asked me to respect her last week, and I think all of this does just that.
We shall see.
She asked me to watch S5 longer Fri night to Sat afternoon, so I'll able to take S5 to a Star Wars-themed Costumed BDay party. Should be interesting.
Actually, I said, "Lets talk about your $ probs. How can I help you?" She demured, then noted how I was gouging her in rent (not true) and that S5 had uniform costs that she could not afford. I thought of Gary Smalley's advice to soften her heart with respectful support, especially when needed, and proceeded to reduce her rent and take over her share of uniform costs. After she agreed, I noted "Okay, that's done, and I won't be bring it up again." 
