Yes I'm straying a bit from the DR method. But I think those of us post-D will be pioneering what works and what doesn't in this M afterlife.
Bruce, yes W has some unresolved feelings about the M, as she has unresolved feelings about her parents, and trauma that happened 15 yrs ago. I distinctly hear softening in her stance, even amidst her anger and venting. Thank you, Deida, for the ability to stay there with her. Not a perfect job, but better than before.
Last night, we had another R talk via telephone. This time we revisited her mistrust of me, and my latest jealousy about her posssibly pursuing a new R. We touched upon those in an okay convo, with W noting that she never felt like she was "enough" for me, and therefore she feared that I would hook up w/ someone else and leave her.
I reaffirmed my desire for only her at the time, and noted that she's still the most beautiful woman on the planet to me. W returned with her current view that I have tons of female students noting how attractive I am (I doubt it! Sounds like her own worry), to which I responded, "Just like before, I'm in charge of my actions, and I still love that woman I fell in love w/on the steps of.....(our 1st convo)." Big DB no-no traditionally, I know, but I felt that she needed to hear that I'm not about playing around. W did say, "Why don't you just move on?" but this sounded whinsome and not cold, uncaring. She also noted, "Right now, I just want respect from you."
Again, I distinctly feel that we are touching upon old hurts to clean up some of that unresolvedness of some of her concerns. I also think she's seeing my positives, and is a bit worried about that very thing she mentioned - me moving on. Finally, I think this is a test.
She's sitting tight and watching to see if I move on w/someone else. If I do, she was right about me. If I don't, she has to come to another conclusion. It is time for formal DBing again, no more R talks that she doesn't initiate, and tons of respect and love toward her.
What may be surprising to her is how I'm growing and improving thru this rather than withering into a sad pathetic excuse for a man.
GAL work: Got some pics of S5 and my NM pic! Wonderful memories! Worked out yesterday, expanded my circuit training, lifted heavier on free wts, and ran 3.5 miles. Feels good! Having lunch w/ a same-age MF from TN who is also pushing himself thru a 'rebirth' experience. Then I'm taking S5 to see "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."
