Quote: Your W seems to be very pent up and bottling a lot of negative feelings inside her. Perhaps letting the venom out by being gentle and validating is in order.
Yes, I see this, too. It seems like we've done some R work lately in our convos this week, with W noting that she's not pursuing a new R, with her hearing that I was hurt by her locked judgmental stance toward me in the last 4 years of our R, w/ me noting that she deserved to be romanced, etc...
Last night, a bit more occured, when I noted that I was only responsible for 50% of our M problems. W replied, "Oh! Only 50 huh? (sarcastically)." To which I replied, "There are errors of comission and errors of omission. We each had our share." Seems like she still needs to get there - to owning her role. This likely won't happen til her self-esteem/identity stuff is sorted out. Regardless, giving her the floor to vent/disclose and proving myself a good listener is on my agenda for any future convo.
Its time to shift back from explaining defending myself to the unconditionally loving role that Ellie described. I agree that this current direction is negative, and is scaring or angering W. I've been heard and its time for a shift more fully to her needs.
