Ellie responded to me on another thread w/this. Very relevant words from a very wise lady:
Gabe - You want to know the key to unconditional love? It's about taking yourself out of the equation.
The best example of unconditional love is the love you have for your kids. If one of your kids does something bad, you don't stop loving them. You might set boundaries on their behavior, let them suffer the consequences of their behavior, you might be angry at them or worried for them - but you still love them and value them for the unique human beings they are.
The difficulty that arises in feeling unconditional love for our spouses, is trying to get past our own pain and need. "You left me, you hurt me, you aren't giving me the love I need" - all these very normal thoughts and emotions get in the way of unconditional love for our spouses. But once you reach a point of loving detachment - a point where you no longer take everything personally, and can begin to see your spouse more clearly without the fog of your own pain - you can begin to see your spouse through the eyes of unconditional love. They are a person, a person with qualities that you loved, and they are sadly taking a very bad path in their life that is ultimately going to lead them towards pain and unhappiness. Their clinical depression, or unresolved childhood issues, or substance addiction, or whatever the case may be, is messing up their life.
Unconditional love is not about being a doormat, letting yourself be taken advantage of, or accepting unacceptable behavior. It is about loving the sinner without loving the sin, about maintaining some empathy for the pain and confusion in your spouse's life, and it's about not REacting out of fear or pain.
