Wow! Had an interesting convo with W tonight: I decided to pull a Wes and throw caution to the wind (somewhat) and give her a call. And we had a semi-R talk.
W and I talked about our changes. I told her I found her beautiful the first time I laid eyes on her, and still when I saw her working out in the gym last Fri. Boy, did she get quiet with that! Then she really brightened.
She told me that she found my 'accusation' that she was pursuing another R insulting (a past convo). "Don't keep assuming the worst of me." I agreed to not do so.
I told her in turn that I would like to be thought of optimistically, that I was very hurt by her keeping books on infidelity and porn use near her nightstand for the last 5 yrs despite my having outgrown that nonsense approx 4 yrs ago. I talked about worrying about this label upon facing S from her in Nov 04, then proving myself to be right - that I'd overcome that bump in my history - by my behavior since then. I basically noted that I've been true to her. And W weakly apologized for keeping the books.
Important: W did not say "We're D'd. Get over it. There's no chance." Or any number of things that she could have.
Instead, she brightened and stayed on the phone for 1 hr, talking about S5 and basically noting what she has attempted to do to mother him (lots of validating on my part). We laughed together, I could hear her sighing and relaxing, and it was a lighter convo toward the end. She talked about the house, and what I might do to improve it, using 'we' several times.
I know. I know. Tomorrow will tell. But until then, I'm enjoying the dreams and sleep I'll have tonight.
