at some point I need to make a decision and move on. I see some members here that have been going on for years and although I envy their stamina, I just can't or won't put myself through that. My WAW is going to have to face the consequences of her actions eventually.
WAW- I would think I'm reading my own words from a few months ago here. Yet I am still here, and there is still a thread between my H and I, though I must say barely, but it's still there. And I'm not in agony over this like I was. You are saying these things out of pain and exhaustion. And we can all relate to that. You're thinking that if by some way you can draw that line and say "I am done" you can cut that pain and exhaustion out. But really, it doesn't work that way. How you cut that pain out is a process and time helps, but focusing on a few things can help you to do that. Above all else, even though this sucks, sucks, sucks, you just have to release yourself from wanting any control over your W or what she decides upon. She is doing things you don't like. OK. You don't have to. She's a free woman to make whatever choices she decides to, whether they are good or bad. Bring the focus back to you. You have been struggling with something that is unfair and painful and you probably still can't believe this has happened. Accept it. It's happened. It sucks. You didn't deserve it. But it happened. Maybe you have beaten yourself up for what you did wrong in the R. But you are here and you came here to work on your M, but surprise, as I'm sure you've discovered...the work is on yourself. So you've been doing that. So now is the part of the process where you need to begin to like the new you, be ok with you and who you are, forgive yourself and your W for what has happened and learn to be ok with your sitch and your life however it turns out. D is a piece of paper. What is more important is the content of the R. You don't want your old R back. What you really want is to be happy. To feel good about who you are and with your life. And that goes for whether your W is in it or not. Look...you probably never imagined this whole sitch. would happen. So one thing you know is that you can't predict the future. So release yourself from trying to. Get your own life (GAL) in which you truly do feel happy with YOU. GAL is not just the physical motion of getting out, having new hobbies. It is also a transformation in which you really do have your own life in which you feel comfortable in your own skin and your own environment, with or without your W. Who knows what the future will bring. Anything is possible. So just have your own life and be happy in it, and don't put rules onto who will be able to share that life with you or not. Don't worry about that. Just deal with today.
