Use your mind power. Everynight think positive thoughts about your future. Don't allow anything negative to enter into your mind. When you find yourself wondering to a bad thought, think about a stop sign and stop all thinking. Turn it around and think about your happy times, and the happy times that are about to happen.
Try it for a few weeks and see if anything happens. It got me through my hell, and has changed my attitude. I use to be such a downer seeing the worst in everyone and everything. I could bitch about anything. No too long ago a friend laughed at how positive my life is and how hard it is to have a good bitch session with me. I'll take that.
I truely believe that everything happens for a reason. There are no such things as coincedence. Try to look at your life and see why this could be happening to you. It might take you down a path that could give you more insight on what to do.
Just a suggestion.
I saved my marriage and so can you....Its all about positive thinking...
WAWF- you can always start going to go to Al-Anon for yourself for help understanding the alcoholic. Start now it will help you if she does turn toward you but it will also help you deal with issues you have had so that if you do have to move on to someone else the issues will have been dealt with.
Quote: Use your mind power. Everynight think positive thoughts about your future. Don't allow anything negative to enter into your mind. When you find yourself wondering to a bad thought, think about a stop sign and stop all thinking. Turn it around and think about your happy times, and the happy times that are about to happen.
PLW - this is some of the best advise I've seen given here. Thank you. I'm going to try and start this today.
So a couple years ago I got a couple of free airline tickets and W and I discussed going to New Orleans for a weekend. We ended up going to Seattle instead as it was closer and we did have a good time.
In light of recent events, I emailed W last night saying, “Maybe we should have gone to New Orleans when we had the chance.” She responded this morning, “But maybe we'll be able to go see the new and improved New Orleans sometime.”
So, is this total ambivalence on her part, or is she still into this, “What a wonderful- friendly divorce we can have.” I just don’t know anymore.
Quote: “But maybe we'll be able to go see the new and improved New Orleans sometime.”
I think I would feel generally positive hearing this statement....
My W, even at this late stage of our stitch is still getting excited about the finishing of our basement which started a few months before the A was revealed...Why does she care? SHe wants to move out. She wants to pick out paint colors....
Thanks SAH, but my W has ocassionally been on this kick about how wonderful we once were, and how we can be again AFTER the big D. She is in a fantasy world. When she makes comments like that I think that is what she is thinking. Then again, who know what the WAS is thinking?
about how wonderful we once were, and how we can be again AFTER the big D. She is in a fantasy world.
There's something to be said about the psychological implications of clearing out the old relationship via the proxy effect of a divorce. Maybe that's how she's feeling about it, because it sounds like she's favorable to a fresh new start wherein the relationship becomes "wonderful". If that's a fantasy, it's a good one for you. Turn it into reality for her.
Have you tried getting your W to a MC? I was planning on going to one anyways and had mentioned that to my H that I had an appointment booked. His whole theory is that "if you can't fix your own problems, then your problems are too big to be fixed by anyone." I told him that I was having a hardt time dealing with this, and the C was more or less to help me be a better single parents for our kids sake. Next thing you know, H is sittin beside me at the MC's. We went to one meeting. IT was more for H to hear from an outsider that the marriage was worth saving.
One thing that I kept doing too was validating the fact that the old marriage was over. And what ever happened needed to be a new relationship/marriage. I didn't want the mistakes of our old M being brought into the new relationship. It was hard to remember why we got together in the first place, but today we're still doing that.
I see when little things are old behaviour material, we quickly stop it and do something else.
Hold onto all the babysteps. Her comment is a good one. She's telling you there's a chance. Next time something good happenes to her, reward her with flowers or a gift or something. Try thinking back to when you first met, what brought to to the marriage?
I saved my marriage and so can you....Its all about positive thinking...
