A big issue that has come up since the bomb dropped was our financial status. I have always done the books and bills. W’s paycheck, (pretty good one, by the way) was always direct deposited into our account and I would pay the bills. We have one CC that has gotten pretty high and two equity lines that have gotten up there as well. Overall, our assets still greatly outnumber our liabilities and our bills are always paid on time. Therefore, I never thought it was that big a deal. My W, on the other hand…
When all of this came up, she asked to look at all of our statements and became outraged at our debt. (Now, a lot of it was her purchases, but I never discussed with her the bottom line.) She has now focused on this “huge financial burden.” Again, I know, or at least think, that this is a typical diversion away from the real issue (Can you saw her EA/PA), but, I also know that I was totally wrong in not being open with her about our finances. In my own defense, I never gambled money away; I was just doing what I though was best for our family, wrong or right. (As an aside, since then, I have moved all of the books, including my business bills, to home and the home computer. I now do all the bills from home, even though she doesn’t live here now. Hey, I’m trying.)
She recently asked me for copies of the last few years’ statements so she can see where the money went. At first, I was hesitant, and asked her for a couple of weeks to get everything together. After speaking with Chuck this morning, I have instead decided to turn this into a 180.
I will copy everything she wants and give it to her. Along with it I will enclose a short note saying, “I can’t change the way things were done in the past, I can only change the way things are done now and in the future.” Note that I am not being defensive nor apologetic, bit simply stating a fact. She will no doubt find a reason to get mad about the statements, but at least I am now being open, and, better to get it over with sooner than later.
