WAWf, don't get too caught up in trying to figure out what's behind specific events. You'll get bogged down in the details. It's helpful to have an idea of what people are going through over weeks and months, but day-to-day is really impossible to figure out. Why not use it more as a test of your resolve than as a puzzle to solve? You'll feel better about yourself when you push past these perceived setbacks and focus on what's next.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
When W keeps bringing up financial matters, is it o.k. to say something to the effect of, "We both know that our finaces are not the cause of this, and they can be worked out easier together than apart," or, should I just leave it alone and not argue.
The EA and other issues started long before the financial matters. I truly believe that she is using the financial matters as an excuse to make our M sound worse off than it really is and to relieve her guilt. She seems to fall back on that topic from time to time. The fact is, tohether we would be financially ok, apart we will be devestated.
The fact is, together we would be financially ok, apart we will be devestated.
Yeah, I can relate.
Maybe you could consider validating her feelings about finances without validating the substance of her complaints? And if it comes down to it, you might be better served validating the whole thing. It leaves her nothing but air to argue with. I think the problem you've got is this: if she's misusing the financial issues to justify her behavior, then she's already not looking at the finances accurately. Given the tendencies of WAS's on this board, it seems unlikely that you're going to be able to use logic to alter her mindset.
At least with my W, validating some pretty insane crap seems to work better than the alternative. At the very minimum it makes me not the enemy.
Give it a try and see if it works. You can always try something else if it doesn't. And it's an interesting experiment to see if something so unintuitive can actually work, sort of like reverse psychology.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
"Sweetie, I know reconciliating the checking account must be difficult for you since 'reconciliation' isn't part of your vocabulary."
"I know you always look how to cut corners and to spend the least amount, honey. Why, just look at how effectively you cheapened our marriage!"
Seriously though, what's there to validate? There may be some benefit to her experiencing life without your support and undergoing a hardship on her own. It seems to be that when WASs hit rock bottom, there are turnarounds in the sitch.
