I know for a fact that she is confused. She spoke with a good friend recently and was in tears most of the time repeating, "I have no idea what I'm doing." I am trying to be her friend and trying to remember that she is probably hurting a hell of a lot more that I am, and that is a lot!
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My friend, I can so relate to your situation.
I hear from a lot of friends that my (W) is confused as well. Although we are separated, it seems as if she is masking the problems we are having with (B).
Like you, I want them to spend as much time as they can together, sooner or later reality will set in, will he pay her bills, acknowledge her 4 kids, especially the baby, etc, etc.
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I believe I am looking healthier and tanner then the last time I saw her, and was wearing some different style of clothes that she is used to seeing me in. Maybe these 180s are making an impression!
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Work on you and then work some more, I have been going to the Gym a LOT, they may seem like they are not paying attention, but they are.



Regarding her changing, I know she is seeing the OM and his daughters more frequently. Believe it or not, I like that. The more time they spend together, to faster the illusion will disintegrate, and hopefully, the EA will end. Also, I wonder if she will tell him that she is spending this time with me. I have read that one of the first signs of the EA ending is when the WA started lying to the OP about their activities with their spouse.
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Read the book, his needs, her needs, this will provide a lot if insight as to why we do the things we do and why spouses have affairs.

At this point, I have no expectations for my (R), all I can do is be a stable father for 2 of the 4 children who live with me, and be there for (S) 16 sho lives with her, he has been coming around the house a lot lately, she is never there for him. my heart goes out to the baby who does not know any better.