Hello, I appreciate you posting on my thread and will reply to you here. You will probably not enjoy everything I say, however, you are doing quite well so far and you DO NOT want things to go the way they have for me. It may sound as if things are going well for me, and for the most part they are better, but I have made severe mistakes along the way that have cause my sitch to linger and even to get worse. My inability to be patient, to not confront about the A, and to not express my own hurt, has caused my chances to reunify to actually diminish. I went from having a "very good" chance for W to return to me from when this all started to "very slim chance" at this point now.
First of all, maintain a positive, non-charged attitude with your WAW as much as you can. She does not care about your feelings right now as much as you might think or hope she does. Whenever you express your emotions or pain to her, you sound like a wimp and it is unattractive. You make her feel guilty and she will run away from that. You will probably want her to see "your side" of things however, brother, it does not mean much to her. You will want to "reason" with her, or feel "justified" to express your hurt, but just don't do it with her. Get on here and post for that. And post as much as you can and read as much as you can on the subject.
She is living the fantasy right now of probably having found her soul mate (honeymoon phase of an A) and she will do everything she can in her mind to maintain that feeling. She must, for her own peace of mind and sanity--it would hurt too much for her to admit she might have made a mistake. Eventually & Guaranteed, she WILL see that the grass is not greener. The A will have to run its natural course, hit its own snags, and die its own natural death. It will...guaranteed. No matter how happy she might seem in the meantime, or what she might say, dont believe it. How can you speed up the end of the A? Actually, you really cant...much. You can actually make it last longer, or even to grow stronger by doing the things that I did. So learn from my mistakes please and save yourself some agony.
Give her lots of space. Be her BEST FRIEND, and only say & do things that will Validate her. Praise her, compliment her, make her laugh, and just enjoy the time you have with her. Be confident, pretend (& actually learn) to actually be happy with yourself. What are the other things in your life, other than the R with you wife, that make you happy? Focus on those things.
Don't look for reassurance. She will notice Everything you do, but will probably shoot you down if you seek verbal confirmation that she is "coming around."
Listen to other advice you receive here and BELIEVE & TRUST EVERYTHING in DB BEFORE you make the mess that I did and jeapordize your chance to win your WAW back.
Here's some other books that I would recommend to you:
--Surviving an Affair, Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr.
--Love Busters: Overcoming Habits that destroy romantic love
--The Five Love Languages, How to express heartfelt committment to your mate
--Winning Your Wife Back Beofre Its Too Late, ... Gary Smalley
--Not Just Friends: Protect your relationship from infidelity and heal the truama of betrayal, Shirley Glass.
What you will discover in your reading, at least to me, is that they are all supplemental to what Michelle has done in DB. DB is your marriage-saving bible that you follow and other books give you added knowledge.
This will be the toughest challenge in your life and please do not take my tone personally, but the situation is critical and I only mean to motivate you NOT to make the mistakes that I made. Good luck, God Bless, and drop in anytime.
Gg
GG
"You got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them..." The Gambler
