Your input around here is sorely missed! I know you're expecting, though, and hope you're progressing well and in a healthy manner. Congrats!
As usual, you hit the nail dead center. I also think this is fair to apply to everyone we meet--not just spouses. I cringe to think that those I've hurt are just lurking in the shadows waiting for me to screw them over again... so they can say, "See, she's hurt me again! How could she do this to me?"
If I screw up and hurt them again, does it mean that they are the fool? Absolutely not. I am... for I'm the one who chose to engage in a behavior with an unfortunate circumstance.
I really like the ideas Martha started... why do we continue to hold on to unpleasant memories? A memory is a snapshot of what happened in the past. Nothing more. So why do we choose to keep taking out that one miserable photograph when there are literally thousands of terrific ones that really tell more of the story?
Slowly, please know I'm not singling you out. We're all guilty of holding on to this part of our story. It's why I recommended Debbie Ford's book on The Secret of the Shadow awhile back. Considering ourselves as victims isn't very empowering...
There's that saying in DB/DR that Sage used to wield around this place way back when: WHAT WE FOCUS ON EXPANDS. I must say that I believe it's 100% true. If it weren't, we wouldn't keep pulling out that crappy photograph and choose to believe that it tells everything about our story. That's fully a choice...
Slowly, I don't know about you, but the kazillion photo albums I have display pictures that capture all the happy moments in my life--with people I've met, liked and loved along the way. Even some people who are not in my life anymore. But I still look at them and remember the fact that I was loved. I still am loved. Why would I want to keep pulling that picture out when it really doesn't capture anything worth keeping? Perhaps it's time for all of us to purge those mental photos that continue to bring us suffering and suck the joy right out of the present.
They no longer serve a purpose!
Slowly, if you had to write your epitaph, what would you want it to say?
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey 
