Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You have touched on some things that I struggle with.
Like you I struggle with the fact that my H doesn't see the need to 'work' on things to improve it. Guys tend to leave it to the females to do the fixing in relationships. I wonder if they even notice there is a problem. In my own situation, things got so bad for me that I asked H to moveout...he was genuinely shocked, he thought everything was just fine.. Truely! I have in the past got self help books and underlined the bits I want him to digest. I think he saw this as me critising him; he never read them. My only consolation is that I can't force him to change, only my own behaviour and that will only serve to improve things for me in this or future relationships. He'll be the same old ..same old LOL. (Although to his defence he has made some changes but I worry they are only surface changes...time will tel )
Re; the spouse feeling the pain of an affair...I don't think my H experienced a fraction of the painI did when we split up. He hasonly a small part of his life invested in our R. He has work, work friends, the children, his family, hobbies...etc etc...and what often felt like at the bottom of a very lonmg list; me. He promises me I am not at the bottom of his list, but if that's what it felt like; and it did, it's not nice. I on the other hand have the boys and him. No hobbies to speak of, friends have families of their own and I do feel quite isolated and dependant sometimes. So what I am saying is (IMHO) women invest much more in R than men do. (please don't shoot me down in flames guys...)
Like you I chose to get the R back together again and am pleased to find that I am not the only one who has 'down' moments, when I question what I am doing trying to salvage the R.
I think I have fallen off my DBer bandwagon lately. I wonder if it is a hormone thing; I was feeling sooo good and now for the last couple of days it has been hard to feel possitive.
I am escaping for a couple of hours tonight so hopefully that will recharge my batteries. I will try to post more possitively next time
Hope you are well and thanks once again for sharing your thoughts.
Truely! I have in the past got self help books and underlined the bits I want him to digest. I think he saw this as me critising him; he never read them. My only consolation is that I can't force him to change, only my own behaviour and that will only serve to improve things for me in this or future relationships. He'll be the same old ..same old LOL. (Although to his defence he has made some changes but I worry they are only surface changes...time will tel 
)
