I've had to steal your moniker in all aspects of my life this week... hope you don't mind! (I'm still moving slowly too, btw.)
Quote: Well, this is NG to a T. He finds it impossible to initiate any contact until I show by QT or words that it is welcome. Sometimes it makes me feel like the effort is one way, but then in my saner moments I know he shows his feelings in other, more quiet or sustained ways. Things he thinks mean more. Like standing up for me, against any and every one
Sigh. This really is me too. Can you accept that for now?
Quote: More journaling. Three weeks ago NG and I had a wee bit of a row, and I asked if he was still in contact with ow, to which he responded that even if he was it was none of my business. Which he retracted later, but like a serpent, the thought is now in my mind and slithers around uncomfortably. I wonder if he was confessing to something when his guard was down? Oh what a cheeseless tunnel, but there you have it. Do these doubts ecver go away?
Friend, my adopted mom would tell me something I'll tell to you--because I've found it completely true in my own life. And I, too, have moments where I verbalize my lack of faith in others--and I know it hurts them horribly. But not as much as it hurts me. Because it's then that I realize I have to crawl right back up on the forgiveness wagon and start all over again.
N reminds me (at least 1000 times a year) that forgiveness is a process. And just when you think something is completely behind you, something pops back on your screen to let you know you're not finished.
My guess is that you've learned from this experience, no? How does this make you feel? And how do you suppose NG feels? I think the 2 of you can make some terrific progress if you decide to talk it out.
It's progress, Slowly. It really is.
Hope you have a great weekend, and hugs to you.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey 
