Sounds like things are good over here, but you are lamenting a lack of excitement still. Have you ever come right out and asked NG to plan a surprise outing for you both? Doing nothing seems to work if you want him to do what you expect, but how can you get him to do what you don't?
Hi - I've been lurking, strangely reluctant to post on my own thread. Things are well here, NG is caught up in a nightmare project at work, but is still incredibly sweet and considerate at home. I have my moments, and appear to be better equipped at handling them. I can see NG's problems, and am comfortable not owning those.
To be honest, I think he is more worried than I am right now. I seem to be so different from a couple of years ago, and he is not sure how to deal with the new slowly. The changes we so small, and so gradual, that by the time it dawned on him, I was 90 (not quite 180) degrees away.
My biggest thing is that I find I like myself more than I ever did. Perhaps more than I like anyone else It may be dbing, it may be what we all get to in our early 40s. Either way, I'm having a blast
I do want to keep working on this though. Its time to pop by the KLA discussion, and some old friends.
Hi Pam - THanks for stopping by - and yes, I'm discovering just how universal the application of dbing principles is Looking back, I can see that I was incredibly lucky to have gotten to 40 before really being hit with problems of 'letting it all hang out' - I do not recall ever having to think carefully, maybe even script, important conversations. Just that little bit of planning, what my goals are, being able to visualize the baby steps, seem to work with even the most difficult characters I have to deal with. Duh
NG and I were out for a walk before dinner, and there was a Maserati parked by the kerb. NG commented that Italian sports cars are not enduring, and I just could not stop retorting that he had once asserted that imperfection inspires passion, and that one took more care of temperamental Italian cars (likening ow to one) whereas a reliabe Porsche you knew would come through anything (likening me to it).
Well of course, as soon as I said it, I wished it could be retracted. He looked shell shocked, but recovered quickly and changed the subject. Lord, where did that come from? I've been so good at deflecting my thoughts away from the a, to be honest it knocked me for six too. Sigh.
Hugs to you! Isn't it unbelievably hard when they say something off the cuff that just zings at you? For me it's always something that's so darned resonating of "that time" and I think part of my reaction is because HE just doesn't hear it.
You say (and I know) that you've done a great job deflecting these types of things. One slip up isn't gonna bum you (either of you) out for long.
On a semi similar topic -- has anyone been watching "Six Feet Under"? There's been an infidelity theme this season and the WAS just gave the LBS "the talk" (complete with "it's never been right -- you know that" which is word for word what I heard) this past week. UGH. It's been torture sitting and watching it.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Hi Slowly! I was wondering where you were this week.
I agree with Sage that one slip won't cause but a moment's ruffle. But if I recall correctly, you've wanted to talk more with NG about things and not just sweep it all under the rug. Could you use this 'ruffle' to open up such a conversation?
I think these things come flying out of our mouths at times because we cannot keep stuffing things inside with no outlet. As we start on our lives here on the Board we learn the invaluable qualities of duct tape, of thinking before we speak, of listening and timing. But at some point, and I think even more so in Piecing, the need to talk openly and intimately is important in repairing the hole that was created within the R. Would it be possible to tell NG you're sorry for the 'outburst' and realize that you have a need sometimes to talk about things that are on your mind?
It seems to me that NG has never really wanted to talk much about that time, and that you would like to. You've been great at marching to his rhythm, but sometimes I think you should get a chance at picking the pace . . .
Just a thought... Hugs, -H2H
PS: I'll be over on your side of the world next week - just passing through London on my way to Cambridge for a few days.
Like the rest of you I have really wanted to make a few statements like you did. For now I am just letting it ride. I will follow you to see how things pan out for you. Maybe I'll get some pointers.
But Sage, What about the other R in Six Feet Under... Vanessa and Rico when she explained her sadness of his affair to him... "you are closer to me than my own skin, that is why I treat you like sh%t"
Nate has always been crazy.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
It may be dbing, it may be what we all get to in our early 40s. Either way, I'm having a blast 
Slowly
