Trying to find MY way to happiness

[ValerieA]

Hi, Slowly.

Hi JV - It certainly seems like an uphill struggle somedays, doesn't it?

Without a doubt.

However, I see so many positives, especially in the way you are able to contain the impact of H's actions on your feelings.

Thank you. I AM doing the best I can to maintain my "cool" though some days are much more trying than others .

I feel though, there is a big elephant in your sitting room that you need to think about tackling, maybe not immediately, but sometime soon..... This can potentially colour all the other interactions and positives that you are building. How has he expressed this unhappiness - in words, deeds, implications?

In words such as, "You need to start pulling your own weight around here; go find a job", "Ok, well, get a job then to help pay for XYZ", "Don't say another f***ing word to me until you're ready to start bringing home some money", and "I'm making the money in this house right now. When you're ready to contribute to that, then we'll talk."

Now, would you like to know what kinds of things I would be asking for? I could be asking for money for the boys' stuff (their new clothes, shoes, school supplies, etc.), money for Christmas shopping or a birthday gift for someone (friend or relative), and I've even been given a hard time for grocery shopping. In the end though, H will give me what I need....but not without pulling and grinding teeth first.

This definitely is an issue that must be addressed. I know it, and I've known it for a while now. I told H that I'd like to go back to school to learn something new when the baby turned 2 or 3 years old, but either he doesn't believe me or he's doesn't want to wait that long.

Gotta go. H is here. I'll be back,

JV