Hi, Kim and cally, and thanks for your help and support. Really...thank you.

I don't have much time right now. I'm trying to get the kids' things together. I'll be dropping them off at H's place in less than an hour. Then it'll be time for a very much needed manicure and pedicure !

Kim, I hear you loud and clear about NO R TALKS and expressing my feelings and emotions to H. We just had that one R talk that H initiated, and I "released" toooooo much . I know better than that.

When I read your thread a couple of nights ago and last night, I thought, "Hmmm....maybe I'm showing my hurt to H. Maybe I'm masking it, too, in some other way, and I don't know that I'm doing it." Because, honestly, I really haven't said much about the R to him (with the exception of the other day). I try to act as if I'm ok and fine with everything, but perhaps I'm not doing a very good job at it . When I think about it,....well....it's still very difficult to look H in the eyes for longer than a few seconds when we interact.....this is probably the problem. I'm sure he notices....and this is probably why he feels I hate him.

cally, I will think more about the visitation schedule. I do feel like it needs to happen so I can detach much more, but I am a bit afraid of what H's reaction might be seeing that I told him many times before that he could have the kids whenever he wanted them....and now if I do this, then I'd feel like I was going back on that....Ugh -- it's all very confusing and complicated.

The only thing I have to really disagree with you about, cally, is the job issue. H would LOVE for me to work (even though he always said in the past he didn't want me to). Let me tell you one undisputed fact about my H -- he is all about money, bringing it in, and holding onto it for as long as he possibly can. I hate to say it, but I also respect him for it, but H is a serious tightwad -- yet he can play cards and risk it, but he doesn't see it that way. He's a great player, and he sees this as making money...and he does. I think he has just built up so much resentment towards me for not working....so all his hard-earned cash is being used on me, the kids, the house, the car, etc.

Bleck !! Enough of that already!

Gotta get ready to take the kids over to H soon, and then it's off to J's for the weekend !

I hope everyone has a terrific one!

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."

Valerie

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown

"Piecing is not for the faint of heart." ~ sage