Trying to find MY way to happiness

[ValerieA]

I have no clue what I really want anymore. Do I want this R? Do I want to remain S? Do I want a D?



One second I feel good about being without H, and the next, I want him home.

Right now, I feel like telling him to make a decision about what he wants. Make the choice to D or come back home and commit to the M 100%.

I'm a total wreck right now -- no crying...I just feel like crap .

I can't stand this. Being married but not living with my H. I was afraid of this; that's why I never wanted a S to happen in the first place. It's been nice to have a "break" from H, but.....I don't know.....I don't want to be S anymore. I want a D or for H to come home and we work on it together.

I want to tell him to make a decision by the end of the week.

BTW, we are actually on very good terms right now. H sincerely apologized for his actions earlier, and I did the same. He said he doesn't like for us to fight like that (well neither do I!). His comment about getting a D came up, and he said he was just angry when he said it. H said, "I'll do whatever you want." I told him I just want to be happy. H said, "I want us to be happy...but I don't think it's possible for me to ever be happy."

I am such an emotional mess. Friggin' rollercoaster...and probably PMS, too.

Thanks for listening.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."