Scotti, I can relate with the blood boiling . Many times I wonder if I did get a job to please H because that would make HIM happy, what would I really be working for? It WOULD be a minimum wage job that would barely pay for our childcare costs. So, seriously, where's the plus side to that?
When I've brought up this concern to H, his solution is that I could work during the day and he'll watch the kids, and after I got home from work, he'd go off to play poker for a living.......I'm sorry, but that just wouldn't work for me. That wouldn't work for US because when would we ever be together as a family? When would we be together as H and W? It would be no different than how it has been. I still wouldn't have my H because he would be out every night.
Jet, I kinda figured that with the cell thing. It's the only way for him to get a hold of me when I'm out and about AND I'm sure it makes him feel better to be able to "check up" on me.
The poker deal -- I never thought of it like that, and you could be right.
Thanks to you both, Scotti and Jet!
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Journaling:
I was going through my last entry, and I recalled something I left out.
After we packed the kids into H's car, I was talking to them a little (telling S9 and S5 to behave themselves for Dad and help him out with the baby ), and I was also playing and laughing with the baby. H was getting some stuff from the garage and said to me after the flipping of the "mood" switch, "I was watching TV last night, and I remember thinking to myself that these were things you and I would've laughed at together." I gave H a smile but didn't say anything -- I didn't want to risk getting emotional because when I think about times like those, well...damn it, I'm beginning to cry now.
Ok, I'm alright now . Anyway, today's been a very trying day for me. H has been calling and complaining about the kids all day -- especially about the baby. He's been clingy and crying all day according to H.
I went through all the possibilities with H to figure out what was bothering him (the baby), but nothing seemed to be working. Then I told H that since I could hear how EXTREMELY frustrated he was, I was sure the baby could FEEL it, so I told him to calm down and be very patient with him.
H called me a few more times to "vent" , and unfortunately, I was getting irritated with him. I was trying to get the painting done at P's, and to be honest, I just didn't want to hear it anymore....so I fell off the DBing wagon .
H said, "I guess I'm just not used to being the provider and then turning into the caregiver overnight." I told him, "Well you'd better GET used to it." H said, "What do you mean?" I said, "It's not easy, is it? But I guess I don't know what I'm talking about since I'm not pulling my own weight, right? Because it seems what I do isn't important since it doesn't pay the bills."
Bad, bad, bad JV ...going back to the old bad habits there. I just lost control of my mouth at that moment, and it was very uncomfortably warm in P's house, too, so I'm sure that was adding to my crankiness.
But to my surprise, H didn't blow up on me or have anything smarta** to say in return. H said, "No, what you do IS important. I just meant that I'm not as good at it as you are. (Ya think??!!) I don't know how you handle it especially when (baby) gets like this." I told H, "I'm a mother, and I just do it. It's that simple."
I'm glad it didn't turn ugly, but I've got to be very careful to not get ugly myself!
Anyway, I almost caved in a couple times. I was going to tell H to bring the baby home, but he'd have to pick him up Saturday morning so I could still help P with the last of her painting, buuuuuuuut... ...then I thought about it and told myself, "Nope! H needs to do this!"
BTW, I talked with MIL again and asked her if she would be willing to paint on Wednesday instead of Monday, and she said yes. I also asked her if she could have the baby spend tomorrow night with her instead of S9 and S5 like she usually does every Friday, and she agreed. This way H can get at least one decent night's sleep !
Thanks for listening.
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
. Many times I wonder if I did get a job to please H because that would make HIM happy, what would I really be working for? It WOULD be a minimum wage job that would barely pay for our childcare costs. So, seriously, where's the plus side to that?
), and I was also playing and laughing with the baby. H was getting some stuff from the garage and said to me after the flipping of the "mood" switch, "I was watching TV last night, and I remember thinking to myself that these were things you and I would've laughed at together." I gave H a smile but didn't say anything -- I didn't want to risk getting emotional because when I think about times like those, well...damn it, I'm beginning to cry now.
, and unfortunately, I was getting irritated with him. I was trying to get the painting done at P's, and to be honest, I just didn't want to hear it anymore....so I fell off the DBing wagon 
...then I thought about it and told myself, "Nope! H needs to do this!" 
