I've been feeling sooo good about myself lately and so much more at peace with him being out of the house now, but today....my feelings have been stomped on. I've been made to feel stupid and irresponsible.
H has been here a few times throughout the day for tools and other gadgets in the garage.
Well first of all, he tried to change things on me as far as taking all 3 boys with him for the next 5 days like he said he was. H said today that he was going to pick them up tomorrow, and he would only be taking S9 and S5 then coming back for the baby on Saturday. I didn't get upset with him, but I did tell H that in the future, I would appreciate it if he stuck to what he originally planned to do (he expects the same from me all the time, and I have been getting much, much better about it). H thought for a second and said, "Alright. I'll take them all tomorrow. Not a problem." I told him thank you and that this was so nice of him to do; I really appreciated it.
Anyhow, that's not what got me down. When he was here just an hour ago, he finally asked how I did when I went to play poker the other night. I told him I lost, and I told him how much. Now, everytime H has ever lost $$$, I have ALWAYS said, "Damn. That sucks!" in a very sympathetic way. I've NEVER been bent out of shape if he lost a LOAD of $$$$ because 1) it's not going to hurt us and 2) I was always trying to be understanding, sympathetic, and supportive of him.
Did I get that today? NO. I got, "You lost $$?!!" Then he turned his back on me and I said, "What's the problem?" H said while still walking away, "What a waste! You threw away perfectly good money." He was getting in his car and I sort of mumbled, "Like you've never lost 5 times as much before, right? Many times." H said, "What?" I just shook my head and said goodbye.
At first, I was pretty angry, but then it turned into me feeling so low , and it has donned (sp??) on me how very critical H can be. There have been many times where I've worked on some home projects, and if H didn't like it, he would say something like, "That looks like s**t!". I'd look at him, and he'd say, "Well, I'm sorry but it does."
Another example, my hair. It's got some natural curl to it, but H has always liked it when I straightened it. He would tell me, "You look better with your hair straight. Straighten it; I like it that way." Of course, I'd personalize (how can I not?) and think, "He doesn't think I'm that great with it curly." And he hated for me to cut my hair, but about 2 years ago, I told him, "It's my hair, and it's so much easier to take care of if it's a little shorter." He said, "Whatever then."
Ok, I have to go now and pick up S9 from Tae Kwon Do. Thanks for listening.
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
