Trying to find MY way to happiness

[ValerieA]

Thank you, Slowly. I felt the same, but I needed to hear it come from someone else.

H definitely is all over the place (I might be, too ). He asked me for more help today, and...well...it got ugly.

I think I mentioned in a past post that we're refinancing (can't remember). Well, H needed a letter from (STBX-boss) stating that H is his employee, blah blah blah. H said he was trying all morning to get a hold of (STBX-boss), but he wasn't calling H back (how nice of him ). Anyway, H took it upon himself to concoct a letter from (STBX-boss) because H wanted to give it to the loan company before closing (I know, I know -- to say the least, I wasn't very pleased about H doing that -- UGH).

So the favor H wanted from me was to look it over and give my opinion of it. I guess he wanted to know if it looked "professional" or business-like enough. Well, I showed him some things I thought he should change (OMG, how embarrassing -- I helped with something dishonest ), and I guess I was too critical about it.

Then this is where it got pretty bad. H was trying to space evenly, but instead of using the Tab key, he kept using the space bar, and it wasn't coming out right. I would tell him it didn't look right so try again with the Tab key, but he kept on with the space bar....What a STUPID kind of disagreement to have!....He got REALLY upset with me telling him to use the Tab and shouted to me that I made him feel like an idiot because he's not great with the keyboard and typing like I am. I shouted back that I wasn't trying to make him feel that way, and that I was only trying to help. He asked for my opinion, and that is what I was trying to give him, but he didn't like it, thought I was being too critical, and he got angry with me. I told H I was upset about this whole dumb thing (forging a letter), and I didn't appreciate him calling me before he got here, asking SOOO NICELY for my help, then acts like an a**hole because I stopped and refused to help him anymore after yelling at me.

Then H shouted (a**holishly), "I'm sorry! Will you please come over here and help me finish this?!" I told him no. I said, "I can't stand it when you call me and ask for my help with something, and you're always nice about it, but when it's not done when or how you expect it to be, you act so mean to me. So, no. Do it yourself."

H turned his back to me and said, "See, this is why I don't want to be around you."....Ouch and Grrr !!!....I tried. I really tried to bite it, buuut....I said, "Then get going! Get out of here. (mf)'s got a computer at his place, so why are you doing this here when you don't have to?" H said, "Because I need the fax machine, and I asked you to help me, and you said you would." I told H he could've gone to Kinko's or some other place; he didn't have to come here, and I told him I knew I said I would help him, but if he was going to be an a** and blow up on me, then he needed to leave because I didn't need that kind of BS. I also told him that if being around me was a problem, then we should set up a visitation schedule so we wouldn't see each other as much. H looked at me and said, "Hah! You're crazy! I'm not following any kind of schedule. I'll come by when I want." I told him he'd better watch it and not go there . There were quite a few times after the bomb dropped when H said, "I wish you just go into b**** mode and tell me to go to he**." I reminded H of him saying that, and I told him I'm about 2 steps away from being there.....he didn't say anything for the next 5 minutes.

After that, H started apologizing. He said he wasn't trying to be nice to get me to help him out; he said he really wanted my help because I'm a lot better with Word than he is, and he was very sorry for being such an a**hole. He thought I was calling him an idiot when he was doing it differently than how I was trying to show him. I told him I never said that nor did I think he was one; all I said was that he was making it harder by not using the Tab key. H said he was sorry again, and he said he would listen to me from now on -- yeah right ! Shoot....I should've got that on tape or in writing.

After that ridiculous argument, he left to go to the gym then came back 2 hours later to pick up S9 and S5 for a few more hours. H also gave me a hug and a kiss on my forehead before they left. That hasn't happened in awhile, and I'm not sure how I felt about it. Maybe a little empty.

Anyway, I might see if my parents will watch the kids on Saturday. P's going to start taking things off the walls at her house, so I was thinking of going over to help her. She said they might just start painting then, too.

There's also a high energy concert coming to Sacramento on the 12th that my sisters want to go to, so I'm looking forward to it even though that kind of music was a little before my time (cough, cough ). Well, it was!

Thanks for listening.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."