Trying to find MY way to happiness

[ValerieA]

As I mentioned in an earlier post, my sisters and I are getting together this weekend at T's house in Paso Robles then we're heading off to her timeshare near the beach.

At first I was planning on taking the boys with me, but now when I think of it and knowing that H isn't working this weekend, I want to ask him if he would mind watching all 3 of them for that time.

It really bothers me that I have had to ASK if he would watch his own children, but.....oh well. My sisters say to tell H that I have plans and he needs to watch them -- plain and simple, but I don't think that would go over too well with H .

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Ok. H just called and I asked what his plans were for this weekend. He doesn't have to work like I thought he didn't, so I asked, "I was wondering if you would be willing to watch all the boys for the whole weekend," then there was dead silence......and someone was calling on the other line. H said it was (STBX-boss), he needed to talk with him, so he would talk to me when he got here in about an hour.....H sounded irritable after I asked him.

I hope he will. I really could use some time with just adults for a couple of days. I'll take the kids with me if I have to, but I just thought this would be a nice time to have for me. A very much needed break from everything.

I'll be back later to let you all know what H says.

Thanks for listening.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."

[ValerieA]

H called again before he got here to let me know he was going to stop at the store and asked if I needed anything. I asked him to get me some lighter fluid (I'm grilling steaks for dinner tonight), and H said, "Sure. No problem." I thanked him and told him I really appreciated it.

Before hanging up, I wanted to know if he had thought about what I asked him (watching the boys for the weekend). H said, "Yeah. I thought about it the minute you asked me, but I didn't get to answer since XXXX called....I'm sorry you feel that you have to ask me to watch the kids, but, well...I'm sorry about that. Yeah, I'll watch them." I said, "Thanks! This means a lot to me! I know how busy you can be, and I really appreciate you doing this."

Then H cleared his throat and asked, "Do you mind if I ask where you're going?" I told him, "Not at all. I'm going with P and J to T's, and we're going to spend the weekend at the beach. We're leaving Friday when J gets off of work, and I'll be back late Sunday night. When's the earliest you can pick them up?" H asked when did I need him to, and I told him that I was hoping to get on the road to J's no later than 3:30pm. H said that was fine, and he could do that.

When H got here, I thanked him again for getting the lighter fluid. We talked for a bit about bills then they were getting ready to head out. H told me that he could even pick the kids up on Thursday night if I'd like. I told H, "Ok, well, that's fine with me, but it's up to you." H said, "Yeah, I can do that." I told him thanks with a nice big , and H said "no problem" with a in return.

S9 and S5 went out to the car (baby was napping so he stayed here). H turned around and told me that Crescent Jewelers called him today to let him know that his wedding band was ready to be picked up (the new one I bought him in May for our anniversary -- H needed a bigger size and it had to be special ordered). H said in a trembling voice, "They called and said it was ready for me to pick up, but I didn't know if I should......Do you want me to get your money back?"

I'm thinking, "Are you crazy???!!! You're not serious, are you???!!!", but I told him, "No, I don't want my money back! Do you not want the ring?" H said, "Yeah I want it! I really like it. I just didn't know how you would feel about it. Do you want -- " I told him, "H, please go get your ring. That's what I want." He let out a little sigh of relief and said ok.....he was happy again after that.

Soooo.......

WOO HOO!!!!!! I'm going away for the weekend ! It's JV time ! Now, you know I'm counting down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds, right?!

Thanks for listening.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."

[ValerieA]

Journaling:

Not much to report. I'm still S. Just going through a "not so sure about anything" kind of feeling right now .

I spoke with H a little this morning. He had a job to do in Fresno so the kids were home with me. It was 100 degrees today so we just hibernated in the house !

H called again around 5pm to tell me he was going to play in the weekly tournament tonight. He said he would pick the kids up tomorrow, but he didn't say at what time. Probably in the afternoon.

I was thinking about this last night and mentioned it to H today that he was welcome to stay here at the house with the kids for the weekend while I'm gone. I just figured it would be easier to let the baby sleep in his crib (H only has the 2 twin mattresses on the floor over there). I can't see how comfortable that would be for H and all 3 boys -- not to mention "safe" for the baby.

Well, when I made the suggestion, H said, "No, we'll just stay at (mf)'s. I'm getting comfortable there." I said, "Alright...I just thought (baby) would sleep better being in his crib." (The baby wakes up frequently at night when he's at my parents' or MIL's.) H said, "No. He'll be fine. I'll handle it." I said ok then we said bye.

I'm feeling a bit insecure with H's tone today. He was very distant, almost cold.... ....Like during the A days.....and also with H telling me he's "getting comfortable" at (mf)'s place......It's just a little scary.

Anyway, my sisters and I decided we're going to have a girls' night out on Saturday . Some of my nieces and nephews will be around, too, but it looks like P's H and J's H are going to be babysitting for the night ! It's alright though because they're cool like that .

So tomorrow after H picks up the boys in the afternoon (hopefully he meant the baby, too), I'm going to start enjoying myself ! I'm overdue for a trim , but I think I actually want to cut about 4 or 5 inches off! My hair is long, and H likes it like this, buuuuut...it IS MY hair, and I'm ready for a change . Nothing TOO drastic though !

It's also time for my manicure, and I think I'll get a pedicure, too, while I'm at it . I've only had one once before, and that was back in November when we went to Maui for P's wedding.

After all that....hmmmm....I think I could go for some more "therapeutic" shopping ! Hey -- gotta look and feel good for Girls' Night Out, you know!



Thanks for listening.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."

[dodgermf]

JV,

OK, I know it's only Wednesday night but...this weekend you'd better have a f'ing BLAST! Girls night out (even if they are married girls) should be fun. Don't hold anything back. Have a few "pops". Dance your ass off. Flirt like hell. JUST HAVE FUN.

So help me, if I read anything about you feeling bad because of your H this weekend, I will jump in my Pathfinder, drive up to the greater Sacramento area and find you. When I do, I will put you in Time Out, that's right, sitting on a little stool parked in a corner of your living room facing the wall!

Don't think I wont...

Have a TREMENDOUS weekend. I'm actually a little bit jealous.

DMF (Don't doubt me...)

[OCKim]

JV...

I echo EVERYTHING that our dear friend DMF has shared with you... AND, if I have to... I will drive in DMF"s pathfinder WITH HIM up to Sacramento and help him put you in THAT "time-out" corner! (dunce cap and all!)

On a serious note, although you may not see it quite yet, I do feel that you are sounding stronger in your most recent posts.... So, JV... Here is my advice...
CUT THAT HAIR!!! Get a manicure AND a pedicure!!
You are doing so well with trying to focus on JV!
Have a BLAST with your sisters! Dance your A$$ off with them! ENJOY YOURSELF! You deserve nothing but FUN!

I know this is all so hard, JV... But, I am really proud of you for doing nice things for yourself.
I am cheering for you over here in Southern California!
GO JV!!!! -OC Kim

[dodgermf]

Oh yeah, JV, one more thing. I swear by the manicures and pedicures. Yeah, I know, don't say it, I've heard them all...

Go,go on, git...

DMF

[ValerieA]

Thanks, D and Kim!

Funny about the time-outs ! I use those on my boys (without the dunce caps though). Could you imagine what they'd think if they saw Mommy having one??!!!

Well, I just spoke with H. He'll be picking up S9 and S5 in a few hours, but not the baby just yet . He said he'll get him tonight.

....So it looks like my day of pampering myself will have to wait until tomorrow. I just hope I'm able to do everything I'd like to do before I have to head out.

Hmmm.....I wonder what would happen if I just put my foot down for once and said, "I need you take (baby), too, because I have things to do.".....hmmm . Do I dare try it? THAT would be a HUGE 180 for me .

Thanks again.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."

[Scottisheart]

Hmmm.....I wonder what would happen if I just put my foot down for once and said, "I need you take (baby), too, because I have things to do.".....hmmm . Do I dare try it? THAT would be a HUGE 180 for me .

Go for it JV!!!!!!!!!!! What's the worst that can happen? H will say no? You deserve to go and pamper yourself

Cheers, Scottisheart

[ValerieA]

Correction -- H didn't say he'll get the baby tonight. I asked if he was still going to -- remember I wrote the other day that HE offered? Well, after I asked, H said, "Well....I GUESS I could do that."

He kind of said it like I was putting him out or something. THAT is what's upsetting to me.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."

[ValerieA]

Hi, Scotti .

What's the worst that can happen? H will say no?

You're right! At worst, he'll say no. I know he's not going to be busy with anything else because (duh) he'll have the other 2 boys.

OK! HUGE 180 coming up later this afternoon ! I'll let you know what happens.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."