IMHO... You may think that your H is enjoying his "so-called freedom" b/c you feel that you reminded him of the "old JV"... But, he really has no right talking to you the way he did over the phone. OK, so he was probably mad, but that is just no excuse for calling you a "stupid f***ing b****!!!"... Because, let's face it, JV... We ALL know that is just not the case.
So... here I am on a Saturday night wanting to try to make you feel a bit better about yourself. I read a book not too long ago about "Ways to Heal Your Heart" and so I want to share with you some of the things I wrote down that have helped me out...
*Count your blessings... When we are grieving a loss (the loss of our relationships due to seperation), we forget to appreciate what we DO have... *Be patient with yourself... Instead of getting frustrated when you experience a setback, reward yourself with something special... *Repeat to yourself: "I will get through this"... Soon the pain WILL be gone... *Put YOURSELF first... This is YOUR time to be pampered. Release your obligations- You are grieving a loss and have other things that you have to do right now... *Don't hold back your tears... It is OK to cry. Crying is good for the soul... *Recognize that the pain you feel today will prepare you to be there for others in the future... *Resolve to be the best person you can... Often when we feel & release some of our pain, we are inspired... Make a list of the qualities you want to embody in your life...
The last part is a question for you, JV... How would you feel if you knew FOR SURE that in 2 years your life would be filled with love and you would be happy again?
I am sorry that you are upset with yourself as it seems you feel that you "really messed up big time" tonight. I just don't see it that way... Try to remember what I once told you... Your H is just being your H... He is probably doing what he has ALWAYS done... As far as being late to pick up the kids or dropping them off to you... You CAN NOT control if he is going to be late... But, you CAN control how YOU respond to him. JV... this may be part of you detaching more from your H... Detachment really is the natural acceptance that you are alone responsible for how you act. You can not control another person, but you can control how you choose to respond to them...
Please... be kind to JV... You are doing the BEST you can! Try not to be so hard on yourself, okay? Hope you have a good rest of the night... -KIM
