Trying to find MY way to happiness

[ValerieA]

I really messed up big time . I let my frustration and anger get the best of me.

H said this morning that he would be back around 2 to 3pm to pick up S9 and S5 for swimming. Once again, he was late (it was 3:50pm) and he didn't bother calling to let me know.

So I called his cell but no answer. I left a rather unpleasant message -- not nasty, but I'm sure my frustration was obvious. Then he called back about 5 minutes later and said he had the volume off because MIL was calling him and bugging him this morning, he didn't feel like talking to her, and he forgot to turn the volume back up.

H asked what was up, and I asked him if he listened to the message I left him. H said no, tell me now. Unfortunately, it really bothers me when I leave H a VM and he doesn't listen to it before he calls me back because then I feel like I'm repeating myself.

Anyway, I told him that I was upset about him being late AGAIN. I told H, "Look. I know you didn't promise an exact time, but you DID say between 2 and 3pm, and now it's almost 4pm. This is not going to work. All week you've given me a time when you say you'll pick them up or drop them off, and everytime you've been more than 30 minutes late. I've asked you to call me to let me know if this was going to happen, and you said you would. So why didn't you today?"

H got loud with me and said that his install was extremely he**ish, and he did not need this BS right now. He said, "I left the customer's house just after 3pm, and as soon as I got in the car, I called XXXXX (co-worker) to finish up the paperwork! I've been on the phone ever since I left there with her and with (STBX-boss), alright?!"

I got loud back and said, "You couldn't take 15 seconds to call me before you called XXXXX to let me know that you were running late?!" Then H said, "You know what?! You're a stupid f***ing b****. I'll be there in 5 minutes to get them.(Click!)"



The boys were outside playing and the baby was napping when H got here. He just walked in and started making himself something to eat -- well, I guess it's still his house, too, isn't it? Then he sat across from me in the living room and asked why I was starting a fight with him. I told H, "I wasn't trying to start anything with you. It just really p*sses me off when you're constantly late AND you don't call to tell me when I've asked you to AND you said you would!" H said, "Well, I told you I was busy. It's not like I was out d**king around....You look so f***ing miserable. What can I do right now to make you happy?"

I looked at him and said, "Nothing. Why don't you just please leave me alone? Take the boys and go to your place." H asked, "What's your problem? I'm trying to make up with you." I said, "I don't know. Maybe I am just a b**** since that's what you called me." H said, "You're not a b****. You're just acting like one." I said, "Whatever. Get the boys and get going." H said, "No. I'm eating first. I'll leave when I'm ready."

OMG, I was fuming! But I somehow managed to just shut up and keep to myself for the next 10 minutes. Geez.....I should have just did that in the first place .

So H finished eating, and while I was washing some dishes, he came up behind me and tried pushing me aside acting like I was in his way while he was trying to rinse off his dishes. This is H's playful way of initiating a truce , but when I do try to get out of his way, he moves in my direction to keep me from doing so. Uhh...got that ? Did that make sense?

I told him to let me get by, and he said no, not until I gave him a kiss. I said no way! H said we would stand there all night then. He had his cheek to me waiting for a kiss, and I told him he needed to give ME one first , so he did. Then he stuck his cheek out again, and when I leaned in to give him one, he walked away! What a jerk!

H shouted for the boys to come in and say goodbye to me. They did then H walked up to me and gave me a very phony kiss on my forehead. He said, "Goodbye, XXXXXXX." I said, "Goodbye, XXXXX."

Oh yeah. H also said he would have the boys back by 8:30pm, and he wouldn't be late.

(Sigh)......Geez.....where did all this anger come from? That was the "old JV". Short-tempered and b****y when things didn't happen the way I expected them to. I don't want to go back there again.

Now H is really going to enjoy his so-called freedom. I just reminded him of the old me.....WHACK WHACK WHACK!!!

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."