Trying to find MY way to happiness

[ValerieA]

Hi, mollie and Jet.

mollie -- I'm glad I decided to get together with my sisters, too . I'll be going to P's house later this evening, and J's going, too. We're just going to hang around her house for the night and have some drinks . Not too many for me though -- I'm not a big drinker . Plus I need to be able to drive home .

I'm trying to have no expectations, but it is very hard. I guess because I've felt like I haven't mattered to H for so long, that now since he SAYS he will do anything I want, I guess I AM expecting it to happen. I'm expecting him to follow through on what he says......(sigh)......I'd better stop, and I know it. ACTIONS, ACTIONS, ACTIONS. I need to pay attention to his actions, not the words. WHACK! I know better than that .

... Maybe you could try to start with something smaller, like he needs to be on time!!! And when he is on time, make sure he knows how much you appreciate it.

I'll try this, and I will let him know that it's much appreciated.

Be very careful here. When I told my H to leave a year ago, he went looking for "comfort" somewhere else. Not saying that will happen to you. But it does happen.

This thought was actually going through my mind this morning, and when H came to pick up the boys, I said something about it, and I think I ticked him off some .

Before they left, I said to H, "You know this is just a separation, right?" H looked at me, looked at his ring which he had on, and showed it to me saying, "I know that we're still married." I said, "That's what I mean." He gave me a suspicious glare and said, "Why are you -- alright. Never mind." Then they left.

I know I probably deserve a few whacks for bringing it up, but I felt I needed to make sure H understood what I was getting at.

The phone rang a minute later, and it was H. He asked me if I could shut the garage door. I thought I did but I guess not. Then H said, "So why were you saying that to me?" I said, "Because I wanted to be sure that we're on the same page here. Yes, we're S, but we're still M. There is to be no one else involved. For either of us." H said, "I already knew that. Thanks for thinking so highly of me. (sigh) What are you doing tonight?" I told H that I wanted to get the house cleaned up before anything else -- it really needs it . He said alright and he'd see me in the morning when he drops the boys off. H has a service call to do in the morning, but he's not sure at what time yet.

Jet -- Thank you so much for your insight! It sounds like H could feel this way, too.

He's always been afraid of what I would think about his gifts to me. He always wondered if they were ever good enough and if I truly liked them. This could also be how he feels about taking me places. I'm no expert, but I think this all goes back to when he lived with his grandparents, and everything he did was NEVER good enough for them.

I felt the pressure because I had no ideas on what to do. In the end, it may not have been that important but I worried about it. My W would have been happy shooting pool but I never knew that.

I would be happy just shooting pool, too!

Ok, so.....maybe in a few weeks or so, if things are going smoothly, I'LL ask H out on a date. I'll make the arrangements, and I will let him know "this is what I'm talking about".

Thanks again, mollie and Jet. You've been so helpful.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."