Quote: JV - I 'm just a little worried about all the feedback you are getting here. It is normal for your friends to want your suffering to stop, but it doesn't always result in the most helpful advice.
I know this, and it has really been weighing on my mind. I understand that everyone (family and friends here) just don't want to see me hurt anymore, and they want me to be stronger. I agree. I don't like feeling this way, and I know it's on me to change it.
But I have also been waiting, hoping, and wanting someone to tell me what you have because I'm afraid that I did go too far. I know that I DO NOT want a D, but I think I pushed it closer to that possibility.
Quote: ... He's hurting and as motivated right now as he'll likely ever be to change. He's still desperately looking to hear you say you still love him, as he was before you booted him.
You're absolutely right. This is the most I've ever seen H to be really motivated about changing.
I think I'll be able to tell him more that I do love him when I begin to feel much more important to him again.
Quote: I think now is the time to strike, while the iron is hot, by telling him exactly what he needs to do in order to come home to you and the kids. -he needs to woo you - take you on dates, make time for you, make you feel loved and important to him - he needs to see a doctor or counselor to discuss his depression, bulimia, and possible gambling addiction
My sister J had suggested something similar to this, but maybe the way she put it made me think that I would be forcing him to do things, and that would cause H to retreat.
I like the way you put it !
Well, we know that H won't go to a C. He just will not, but he did say one time that he would be willing to go to a different doctor to talk about his ED (but he didn't). So if he's serious about reconciliation and change, then this is a MUST. If he won't see a C, ok, but he needs to at the very least see a doctor.
Ellie, how far are you from Sacramento?
Quote: Just pushing him away is not as likely to get the results you want. Tell him the path back to reconciliation. Then you will know if he is motivated or not, by what he does with that information.
Your H is very sick right now, just abandoning him because of your hurt will not get you where you would like to be. Setting clear goals and objectives, and using the dog-training trick of rewarding good behaviors, will help more.
Yes! Thank you, Ellie!
JV
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
!
