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Now that it has happened, I feel it was the right choice. Tonight, H said, "I feel like this (the S) is a BIG mistake. I wish I could just come home. Everything will be better.".......(sigh).......ugh.




I think in the past couple of days he has missed the fact that he use to have a home to come to and sleep. A wife that cooked and cleaned and did everything. A wife he could call and piss and moan to about everything. I think above all he is fearful that you may move on. Deep down he has to know he treats you like crap. I know he says it but I think it is just something he says. I think right noiw he may also be fearful YOU will ralize you desreve better and like the time apart from him. It is VERY evident through this seperation that your husband is a VERY CONTROLLING person. Just reread some of things you are going through to see just how manipulative and controlling he is......
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H is constantly calling me whether it's on the house phone or on my cell. If I don't answer the house phone, he calls my cell IMMEDIATELY. Then when I don't answer my cell, he calls the house again right away



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H wants to know every little detail of what I've been doing, if "anyone's" at the house (what the ???), why didn't I answer the phone(s), and what are my plans for the rest of the day and/or tomorrow.



He will stick around for a few hours then leave when he's ready to "work" (play poker).
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Oh and by the way take notive JV...he is calling this work now. Another thing to manipulate you because he has a gambling problem and wants what he wants. He needs to find a real job. Not this kind of lifestyle when he has a gambling problem.


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H wants the constant reassurance that I'm here and nowhere else. He wants a hug and a kiss EVERYTIME he's here, and he wants more than just a few of them. I also am asked to keep the phone right next to me during the night.....every night.





Then you asked.....
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How do I tell him this??? How do I tell him without pushing him away too much??? Is that even possible???





I would come right out and tell him JV that you have been hurt that this is NOT what you want in a marriage. Tell him you need time to think about things and you NEED some space while thinking things through. Ask him to set up a visitation schedule with the kid's. Where he will pick them up and drop them off. Come out and tell him also what your boundaries are. Your sisters idea was GREAT! Also let him know that during your seperation if he is to sleep with another woman then don't bother coming back. Because you don't and won't want him knowing that you may have to worry you could contract a disease that could kill you. Be very blunt and out there that he HAS hurt you. That your ego has been damaged. That the things he has said has been hurtful and mean and you need time to sort through things to see if this marriage should continue. I would let him know that you are on the fence about the marriage by stating you need time. But it also shows you are still in the marriage and not out completely.

JV in your posts I do see great strength coming out. Because for so long in your posts I can see where you let him walk all over you. He is manipulative and controlling and will try to pull out all the stops right now to try and weasel his way back. But be strong and stand your ground. It will take some time and distance apart from you to make him change. This has been a habit he has formed with you and all habits won't go away in days. It takes time. But the biggest 180 I think you could do right now is to show your strength and consistently tell things like you are not keeping that phone by you because you are seperated. You do not have to answer to him because you are seperated. So ask him to stop asking you about your whereabouts or who is at your house. Ask him not call unless it has to do with the children. The more ypou distace JV I think the more he will realize what is at stake.

You ARE doing great! Glad to hear you had a nice time with your family! They sound loving and so supportive. Take your sisters advice they sound awesome and very smart! Everyone around you can see how you deserve so much better then what you have been getting.